The Fifth Judge for 'America's Got Talent': A Few Bad Pumpkins Can't Spoil the Magic (Video)

Who do I think I am? you ask. Well, I spent nearly a decade of my life sweating and bleeding to the music as a dancer. From a young boy learning a shuffle-ball-change to performing with the St. Louis Ballet Company, I experienced the ups and downs of one of the most difficult physically demanding sports on the planet. During this time, I was also a member of the St. Louis Symphony Youth Orchestra, as well as a gymnast, writer and cartoonist. I had a lot more energy in my younger years. And I've spent the last fifteen years analyzing and critiquing reality competition shows for various media publications. I've got this.

Fair warning, since I'm safe at home, I'm probably going to be a little harsher than my colleagues Howie Mandel, Mel B, Heidi Klum and Simon Cowell. But I might be nicer, too. Maybe. Since it's just yes or no at this stage, I'm going to rank each act from worst to first each night.

Benchavan Shale (singer) hit the stage for the first time in her life at 73-years old because she wanted a chance to kiss Simon. Even her husband said that singing wasn't really her thing. This makes Ms. Shale the first genuinely bad act to get a full spotlight this season. And while it was entertaining enough, we spent way too much time on this. Simon cracked a joke that he would have said yes, but that made him beholden to his promise to give her a kiss if she did a good job. This gave us an entire montage of how the elderly female set is in love with Simon. And that was our entire segment. It was amusing watching Howie get jealous, but I thought the whole of it went on too long.

Judges Scores: N, N, N, Y

My Score: N

Wyatt Gray (comedian?) said he wasn't ready, and he was absolutely right. It was conversational, but it wasn't funny at all. He knew it was a disaster and went ahead and ended his own performance. His performance was used for viewers as a set-up for impressionist/singer Daniel Ferguson, which was weird.

Judges Scores: N, N, N, N

My Score: N

Oscar Hernandez (dancer) was criticized for wanting to be a performer as a big guy, but he decided to follow his dream anyway. That dream is apparently dancing like he's getting down in a club to Nicki Minaj's “Anaconda.” I mean, that's pretty funny and the dude can cut a rug for sure, but it's not a million-dollar-Vegas-act great. I'm happy he follows his dreams and I hope he finds nothing but open dance floors in his future, but this isn't the show for him. He's a great guy and could definitely be inspirational for men and body positivity, but where does it go from here? I mean, come on, guys!

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: N

Dancing Pumpkin Man (dancer) was the weird act of the night, little more than a guy in a black morph suit with a jack-o-lantern on his face. He did a great job at classic “dad” dancing. It was entertaining to watch, but this is not an “AGT” finalist. He just wanted some attention, and he entertained the judges and the audience. But it was nothing exciting or special. Mel B was mesmerized by it from beginning to end, and loved his awkward dancing. As entertaining as it was, there's just nothing more to this act than what we saw. Mel B went up on the stage and managed to convince Simon to change his vote to push him through.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, N, N (changed to a Y)

My Score: N

In the Stairwell (Air Force Academy a cappella) is a very polished group of singers with a real confidence and swagger. They covered several genres in their 90 seconds, but it was nothing we hadn't seen before on “The Sing-Off” or “Glee” or “Pitch Perfect” … and it was usually the groups that got defeated by our heroes that moved and sounded like that. Howie got a lot of boos for buzzing them before the performance was over, saying it was because they were boring. We've seen better in a cappella so many times, he's not completely wrong. They just weren't all that exciting, but they are talented vocally. And they rely too much on their lead singer, which weakens the ensemble.

Judges Score: N, Y, Y, Y

My Score: N

Kechi Okwuchi (singer) was one of only two survivors of a horrific plane crash, and it was this accident that scarred her body and turned her deeper into music as an escape from the pain and turmoil of her recovery. Of course, we all wanted her to be great. And she was very good. But without her story she would just be very good. There were some lovely voices vocally in her performance, but there were a few moments where you could hear her nerves coming through, and it weakened her overall performance. I'm not sure if she's got what it takes to make it to the end, but her story in combination with her growing confidence might just make her something special.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: Y

Daniel Ferguson (impressionist/singer) gave us live what we've seen from many impressionists online. He sang “Cake by the Ocean” as a variety of famous cartoon and puppet characters, and even Simon Cowell. I would have liked to see more variety in the characters he gave us, as I'm sure he has more in his repertoire. That said, it's a uniquely fun talent and if he does have more voices in there, I'd love to see him bring more of them to the next round.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: Y

Shemika Charles (limbo dancer) showcased her incredible flexibility to start her routine, and brought her mother out to lower the pole for her. It's an impressive thing to watch, and she proved amazing body control throughout. If you want to know how to make these acts interesting, you balance a stick on your face and limbo under amazing things like cars. I wasn't sure how Shemika was going to make this entertaining beyond the wow-did-she-just-do-that factor, but she did some genuinely crazy looking stuff. I'm still not sure if it can hold a whole show, but she never touched, so props to her for that. I'd give her another chance to see if she can elevate her ability to another level.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: Y

Elena & Sasha (balancing act) are a cute couple with a language barrier. “He balances me on his face,” Alayna said. She was delightful and Sasha barely understood her, but was having a good time as well. Once the act itself started, it was pretty interesting, though the cameras didn't give us a very good shot of how it was working through much of it. She had a rig attached to her in case she fell, but was it helping with balance? It certainly made the whole act seem less dangerous, though I get it was probably necessary for insurance purposes. If they did have an act, Elena would make a great narrator for the event. There's a ton of potential for this act to be interesting and exciting.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: Y

Pompeyo Family Dogs (dog performers) put together a high-energy and very fun act incorporating six dogs. The stunts were classic dog stunts, but it was an enjoyable performance from beginning to end. The dogs definitely know some fun tricks and stunts. The dog that did a hand-stand in the father's hand was a highlight of the bit. I could see this easily getting repetitive and boring, but I'm down to see if they can up the ante and bring us something more in the next round because I was totally entertained for every moment.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: Y

Christian Guardino (singer) came out this tiny meek 16-year old kid who was hiding a powerhouse voice of maturity that was beyond his years. He spent many of his early years blind before an experimental gene therapy returned vision to him, and I think living through this experience is part of what wizened his voice. He came alive when he started singing, gaining confidence as he got the audience eating out of the palm of his hand. It was a virtuoso vocal performance once again coming from one of the most unexpected sources. He had amazing range, control and power throughout his voice. Truly it was worthy of the standing ovation he got, and he fell right back into the nerves when he was done. Once again, “AGT,” saving the best for last. It's like you want to leave people on a high, and apparently with a golden buzzer moment. This one was Howie's.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: Y

Tony & Jordan (magicians) had a fun dual act with that incorporated video technology, a beautiful girl and illusions. There were a few points where you could see how they were moving things into the video screen, but it was certainly innovative and even though you knew it was coming, it was fun when they brought out the girl and then split her in two so each of them could have one. There was a lot of intriguing moments throughout their performance, and watchable from the first moment to the last. It's the kind of act that deserves to win a show like this, and I look forward to seeing what they can do with a bigger budget and more time to impress us.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: Y

“America's Got Talent” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET on NBC.