Trevor Noah, Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, and Seth Meyers dissect Trump's meetings on the issues.
Donald Trump kicked off his week with a public meeting to discuss immigration reform, including the renewal of DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals) and his promised Mexico border wall, and it's not gone exactly great, as evidenced by late-night hosts continuing to laugh at the president on Wednesday night.
Trevor Noah broke down the meeting itself, finding himself perplexed that Donald Trump would call it a "bill of love." Jimmy Kimmel, then, looked at Trump's response to the media response to that DACA meeting, because we all know that Trump is mostly concerned with what the media and the public think of him.
Stephen Colbert tackled the federal judge that blocked the decision to end DACA, while Jimmy Fallon talked about Trump looking at prototypes for his wall to ensure they're strong enough. Finally, Seth Meyers offered a solution to put the whole matter behind us, so as a country we can simply move on with our lives.
'The Daily Show with Trevor Noah'
The first thing Noah noticed was how Trump set the tone by telling the assembled Congress members that his stance was, well, whatever they told him it was. "I love how he's acting like a tough, in-control leader, while at the same time telling everyone that he'll do what they want," Noah laughed.
He definitely took issue with Trump patting himself on the back for bringing Democrats and Republicans together, saying they were working on a "bill of love."
"You don't get to call that a bill of love," Noah countered. "That's a bill that funds a 2,000-mile wall. You don't call that the bill of love. Even if the wall is full of glory holes, which I fully believe Trump wants."
'Jimmy Kimmel Live'
Trump kicked off his next meeting with the very important business of talking about how much most of the media loved his performance in the DACA meeting, save for two outlets. Even they thought he was great for about two hours, he suggested, until their bosses told them to shut it down.
Still, Trump insisted that he had gotten letters from those anchors telling him how great it went/he was. "A lot of those anchors sent you letters saying it was 'one of the greatest meetings they've ever witnessed'?" Kimmel asked, doubtfully. "I bet the handwriting on those letters looks a lot like Kellyanne Conway's."
But if that was hard for Kimmel to swallow, he couldn't believe it when Trump followed it up with a discussion of the libel laws, disgusted that people could just knowingly say false things while money pours into their bank accounts.
"Not only is that Trump's business plan in its entirety, it's literally what they're going to write on his headstone: He knowingly said false things while money poured into his bank account," Kimmel joked.
'Late Show with Stephen Colbert'
Trump ultimately decided to end the DACA program as Democrats weren't willing to pair it with funding for his Mexico border wall. But a federal judge in San Francisco blocked the move, leading to Trump shouting down the entire judicial system.
"Is there a single institution in America Donald Trump has faith in?" Colbert asked, upon hearing this news. He then launched into his Trump impresson, saying, "Courts are broken, FBI's a disgrace, the White House is in chaos. Have you read "Fire & Fury"? I'm terrified. Nobody's in charge there."
Ironically, the judge cited Trump's own prior tweets in support of DACA as one of the reasons the bill was blocked. "On immigration, Trump has two personalities," Colbert said. "He's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide-Amigo-Immigration-Is-Here!"
'The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon'
Fallon uncovered a possible solution for the president, as his own tweets worked against his DACA decision. He pointed out that Meghan Markle had deleted her Twitter account "because you can't have one when you marry someone in the Royal family," adding, "People were like, can one of them marry Trump?"
The first thing he noticed about that DACA meeting was how Trump would cross his arms tightly around his chest, and wondered if that was't how the president was able to look so engaged and involved with the meeting. Fallon then launched into a commercial for a new product to serve just that purpose: "The Straitjacket Suit for Presidents."
Fallon then cracked a joke about Trump's border wall, as the president is travelingto San Diego to look at prototypes for his border wall. "He says he really wants to test how strong the walls are, so he told his staff to invite the Kool-Aid Man, too," Fallon said.
'Late Night with Seth Meyers'
Seth Meyers may have offered the simplest solution of them all to the ongoing DACA v. Wall debate. "Can we just tell him it's been built already?" he asked. "He's never going to Mexico to check. Just tell him it's big and beautiful and that at the ribbon cutting, Hillary Clinton fell over onto the Mexico side. Then we can just finally move on."
The only ones who will lose on this deal are the late-night hosts themselves, as what will they have to talk about now? Oh wait, there's still Twitter. We're good here.
Finally, Meyers had to slip in one more dig at that awful animatronic Donald Trump installed at Disney's Hall of Presidents. Reporting on a Las Vegas strip club debuting two robotic strippers for the upcoming CES conference, Meyers said, "I know someone who's hitting that up!" He flashed a shot of Robo-Trump ... it's still awful!