"This wasn't a night for facts. If you came here for facts, you came here for the wrong thing," Trevor Noah says during live show.
Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah were so fired up about President Donald Trump's first State of the Union address, that they broadcast their Tuesday episodes live so they could react to it almost immediately.
"The Daily Show" has a long tradition of going live for key political events, like their election night coverage, and that's something Colbert got used to as well. When he was host of "The Colbert Report," he would often co-anchor election night with Jon Stewart, then host of "The Daily Show."
While Representative Joe Kennedy III gave the Democrat's response to Trump's speech, we suspect more people are interested in the late-night response. So it somehow seems appropriate that Noah, the current host of "The Daily Show," and Colbert, at his new home on CBS, would take the reins for that live response coverage of the State of the Union Tuesday night.
"Late Show with Stephen Colbert"
Colbert opened his show with redubbed clips from the speech where Trump thanked Vladimir Putin, pointed out he was drinking from a glass with two hands and said, "The time has come to recognize that Donald Trump was never the right solution for our country."
"We are live right now ... and barely conscious following a 90-minute speech," Colbert said to kick off his show. He then began a blow-by-blow takedown of the President's speech for his monologue that thankfully wasn't nearly as long as the source material.
"Going into this evening, the bar for success was pretty low," Colbert said. "He just had to stay on script no matter what, and he did."
He took several jabs at Trump along the way, setting up his punchlines with clips from the speech. In one, Trump said, "If there's a mountain, we climb it. If there's a frontier, we cross it. If there's a challenge, we tame it. if there's an opportunity, we seize it."
Colbert took that torch and ran with it, continuing in his Trump impression, "If there's a burger, we eat it. If there's a porn star, we bone it. If there's an immigrant, we deport it. If there's an investigation, we undermine it."
When Trump touted the all-time low for black unemployment, Colbert quipped, "There was one time that African-American unemployment was zero, but only half of Trump's base wants to go back there." The audience gave him a little trouble for that one.
At another point, Trump said, "All of us together as one team, one people, and one American family can do anything," to which Colbert added, "Yes, one American family can do anything: Promote your shoe brand, promote your relationship with the President to sell real estate in China. Anything!"
He took Trump to task for declaring an end to the so-called "war on beautiful clean coal." Colbert told him, "You can't start or end a war on something that does not exist." He then said as Trump, "'Soon we'll end our war on sasquatches, unicorns, and moderate Republicans.'"
"For the last year, we have sought to restore the bonds of trust between our citizens and their government," Trump said in his speech. Colbert's response? "Well, better luck next year."
"The Daily Show with Trevor Noah"
"This wasn't a night for facts," Trevor Noah said. "If you came here for facts, you came here for the wrong thing. Tonight was all about celebrating President Trump."
He noticed, though, that not everyone in attendance was on board that plan. "Did you see Chuck [Schumer] and Nancy [Pelosi's] faces?" he asked after showing shots of them glowering. "They look like Trump also cheated on them with Stormy Daniels." He also pointed out the Congressional Black Caucus, staring solemnly even after Trump touted low African-American unemployment.
But Noah particularly enjoyed watching Trump's verbal gymnastics. "A lot of fun watching a Trump speech is watching him cover his mistakes," he said. "Because Trump screws up words in his speech all the time. It's normal. But because it's Trump, it's not a mistake. For him, it's just an opportunity to redefine reality."
He then presented a clip where the president was introducing a Homeland Security agent who went by the nickname CJ. "That's all you have to remember. His name is CJ. Only CJ."
"He goes by DJ ... and CJ," Trump said. "He said call me either one. So we'll call you CJ."
"Trump is so amazing, he created a problem and then solved it instantly," Noah marveled.
"You can dream anything. You can be anything," Trump said toward the end of his inspirational-fear-mongering speech. Noah quickly added, "As long as you're from Norway. All you other losers, stay in your shitholes!"