Stephen Colbert describes him as a "former U.S. attorney and psychic who failed to predict they would tow his car."
Joseph diGenova, a lawyer who has pushed forth a conspiracy theory on Fox News that the Justice Department is after Trump, has officially joined Trump's legal team.
Stephen Colbert and James Corden both had field days making fun of diGenova's decidedly sleazy appearance, while Seth Meyers joined Colbert in speculating what topics diGenova and Trump's legal team would be comfortable with Trump speaking about under oath (it's a very short list). Everyone agreed Trump's lawyers are probably terrified of him testifying, or as Corden imagined them saying, "My client can't go 10 minutes without lying."
Meanwhile, Trump also touted his fresh new idea straight from Nancy Reagan's brain to create and air anti-drug commercials, which Trevor Noah took immediate issue with, considering their lack of effectiveness the first time around. Still, Corden was all for it if it meant frying up some delicious eggs to recreate Partnership for a Drug-Free America's most famous ad.
"The Late Late Show with James Corden"
With concerns about Trump's possible answers under oath, "Trump and his legal team have submitted documents in writing in the hopes that Trump's interview under oath will be shorter," James Corden explained. "It's never a good sign when your attorneys are like, 'You need to meet me at halfway here, because my client can't go 10 minutes without lying.'
He imagined the hard work the investigative team had to endure to tackle these new papers, saying, "This means investigators have pored over documents in English, in Russian, and now in crayon."
Corden then introduced his audience to Trump's new attorney, Joseph diGenova, by flashing up a picture, but even he didn't believe it. "That's not a lawyer, that's a guy who refuses to get a real job because he's too busy hosting a biweekly podcast about UFOs," he joked. "That's the guy who takes you to Applebee's to tell you he's planning to marry your mom and then splits the bill with you."
"The Late Show with Stephen Colbert"
Colbert couldn't resist poking fun at diGenova's picture as well, introducing him as a "former U.S. attorney and psychic who failed to predict they would tow his car."
As for where Trump found him, Colbert explained, "DiGenova is a regular on Fox News. Of course Trump would just hire some guy he saw on TV. I wouldn't be surprised if he brought on diGenova because he thought he was the MyPillow guy."
He also presented an "exclusive copy" of the list Trump's new legal team has drafted on topics Muller and his team can ask Trump, and which ones are completely off limits. Fair game topics include the 2016 electoral map and truck noises, but absolutely no questions about Stormy Daniels' bathing suit area or "Vlad stuff."
"Late Night with Seth Meyers"
Meyers had a slightly different list of topics the Trump lawyers are comfortable with him being asked about, and he agreed with Colbert that Trump can discuss the 2016 electoral map ... because he's probably going to anyway. The other approved topic is an instant classic: "BOOBS"
The NBC late-night host also took a pointed jab at the president over his congratulatory call to Vladimir Putin for winning what was more than likely a sham election in Russia. "President Trump said today that he and Vladimir Putin will probably get together in the not-too-distant future to discuss the arms race," Meyers said. "Oh sorry, I misread that. It's to race into each other's arms."
He went on to add, "When asked today if the Russian election was free and fair, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, 'We're focused on our elections. We don't get to dictate how other countries operate.' 'Ha! Good one,' said Iraq."
"The Daily Show with Trevor Noah"
Over on Comedy Central, Trevor Noah found himself scratching his head at Trump's great new idea for America to spend a lot of money on anti-drug commercials. Noah isn't even from this country and he remembers that we already tried that in the 1980s and '90s. Trump is 71 years old. How did he miss this?
"Believe it or not, drug commercials might make teens more likely to use drugs. Because when you tell a teenager something is dangerous, it just makes them want to do more," Noah said. "What Trump needs is a way to make drugs seem really uncool for young people, and for once I believe he's the right man for the job. Because, according to polls, two-thirds of American teenagers think Donald Trump is totes lame. So to keep them off drugs, all the president needs to do is pretend that he takes drugs, which shouldn't be that hard."
Noah then presented a commercial framed around that very idea, featuring some of Trump's most infamously bizarre moments from the campaign and his presidency caught on camera. James Corden jumped on this anti-drug ad campaign as well, but his motivation appeared to be more food-oriented.
The footage Noah found of Trump discussing the drug problem also got his attention for Trump's bizarre rambling about using the death penalty, which America may not be ready for, but he's ready for it, but he understands why America may not be, but he also doesn't understand why. "One of my favorite things about Trump is that he has inner monologues out loud," Noah said. "It's like America elected Gollum as president. We must has the death penalty. We can't have it. The country is not ready. We are ready."
That would explain some of Trump's bizarre antics behind the mic from Noah's commercial. Even he doesn't know who's in control of his behavior at any given moment.