On the series premiere of "Jersey Shore: Family Vacation," Pauly still fist pumps and Snooki still has to be escorted out of clubs for being too wasted.
The cast of MTV's "Jersey Shore" took over Miami on Thursday night's global premiere of "Jersey Shore: Family Vacation" -- and even though it's been over five years since the hodgepodge of guidos/guidettes partied together, they haven't missed a beat.
The crew -- consisting of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Jenni "JWoww" Farley, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Paul "Pauly D" DelVecchio, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Vinny Guadagnino and Deena Cortese -- did not hold back on the two-hour premiere of the revival, tackling both Mike's tax evasion and Samantha "Sammi Sweetheart" Giancola's noticeable absence.
But before we get into what went down in the premiere, let's catch up on what the cast has been up to:
Snooki's dream of marrying Jionni LaValle and having tan babies came true. She's "basically just a hot mess mom."
Jenni married "Shore" sweetheart Roger Mathews and had two kiddos with him.
Pauly -- "No. 1 guido" and the only single guy in the group -- moved to Las Vegas to continue his DJing and partying.
Ronnie also moved to Vegas and knocked up his girlfriend, Jen Harley (who actually just gave birth).
Vinny moved out of his mother's house and in with his equally pampering girlfriend, Elicea Shyann. He also got into fitness and looks even better than he did before.
Deena married Chris Buckner, but before that, she had to say goodbye to her father, who lost his short battle with Leukemia.
- And good ol' Mike is in a bit of a conundrum: On the one hand, he's now clean and sober and is dating his college sweetheart, Lauren Pesce. On the other hand, he was charged with tax evasion, which he pleaded guilty to in January of this year.
As shown in Part 1 of the premiere, Mike wasn't sure if he'd even be able to film the "Jersey Shore" reboot. Lucky for us, he arrived in Part 2, but that didn't prevent his castmates from poking fun at him.
"Where would Mike be? Would he get his own room?" Vinny asked while the boys were figuring out who would sleep where in their Miami "Shore House."
"He didn't pay his taxes," Pauly blurted out. (Dead.)
Snooki made sure to bring the OG duck phone from the Shore House, and Pauly made sure to bring a life-size doll of Sam. The doll even says, "Raaahhhn, staaahhhp," among other famous Sammi lines.
"If I have sex with [the doll], is that still cheating?" Ronnie asked. (Ummmmm, maybe?)
According to Snooki, Sam's "like settled down now and she found a really good guy." Deena said she didn't think Sam "wanted to relive the Ronnie-Sam stuff," so she opted out of the vacay.
When the group ventured out for their first night, things were just as beautifully destructive as they was before: Pauly still fist pumps, Ronnie still has happy feet, the meatballs still twerk on anyone within a five-foot radius, and Snooki still has to be escorted out of clubs for being too wasted.
When the drunk brigade got home, the power was mysteriously out, so Snooki peed in the pool. Because, why not? The rest of the group ordered pizza, but Vinny refused to eat it like a normal person. As Pauly put it, Vin "disrespected the pie" by picking off and eating only the pepperoni and cheese. He's "Keto" now.
Deena and Ronnie then got into it over Sam's doll, which was really about Sam, which was really about Deena's dad dying, because Ron never reached out when he passed -- which he didn't do because Deena is friends with Sam.
Get it? Got it? Good.
The next day at brunch, Snooki started crying because she heard Jionni's favorite song. Then Jenni started crying. An hour later, they were drunk and watching Ronnie twerk on three dancers. Then Mike -- the group's only sober member -- showed up in time to drive their drunk asses back home.
Fast-forward to nighttime: After Ronnie clogged the toilet, the group managed to rally and go out to dinner to celebrate Mike, who -- by the way -- is like a totally different person now. Upon returning home, Nicole lost her wedding ring after she threw Sam's doll in the pool. Karma?
FYI: In an interview with E!, Deena said she told Sammi about the doll. Her response: "She was like, 'That's just weird,'" Deena explained. "Me and Sam are super close, so as soon as I got home, I said, 'Listen girl, there's a Sammi doll in the house,'" she continued. "She was like, 'I'm not surprised.' She knows how it works and I think she's going to deal with it pretty well."
"Jersey Shore: Family Vacation" airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. on MTV.