Nobody was off-limits during Tiffany Haddish's opening monologue!
After a pre-taped segment featuring some of the stars from the blockbuster "Black Panther" film, as well as several other prominent black actresses, Haddish took to the stage for a high-energy parody of Cardi B's "Bodak Yellow." The lyrics were changed up to represent her hosting stint on the night, but she was so worn out through most of the performance, it was hard to make out what she was saying.
One moment nobody missed was when she said Michael B. Jordan could get a woman pregnant just by looking into her eyes, and then proved it by having him look at her. Suddenly, it was current-day Cardi up there dancing around with full pregnancy belly. Maybe that's why she was so worn out?
With the obligatory opening shenanigans out of the way, it was time for Haddish to get down to what she does best with the opening monologue. Being outrageously funny and shockingly blue is what Haddish does best, and no one was safe from her barbs in the audience. Below are some of her sharpest jokes.
CELEBRATING THE BLACK COMMUNITY
She kicked off the monologue by touting what a strong year the black community has been having, saying, "I'm the first black woman to host the MTV Movie & TV Awards, 'Black Panther' is the first African-American movie to make a billion dollars, and 'A Quiet Place' is the first film to scare black people out of talking in movie theaters."
Okay, so it's a pretty tired joke, but it was delivered with her trademark joy and enthusiasm, you couldn't help but laugh.
She then circled back around to the topic to wrap up her monologue, this time with a bit of commentary on minority representation on the very network she was appearing on. "Okay I gotta wrap this up, 'cause usually when a black girl talks this much on MTV she just got catfished!"
It's a tired trope of awards shows to just look around the room and make jokes about the people you see, but Haddish has such a unique way of looking at the world, we didn't mind seeing how she sees some entertainment's most notable celebrities. First up, she had to point out the ladies of "Keeping Up With the Kardashians."
"That family is basically the "Star Wars" franchise," she said. "They make a ton of movie, a new one is always popping up and they’re ruled by a bossy overlord who sleeps in a mask and she loves black men."
Okay, wait, she lost us there at the end. The overlord in the mask is Darth Vader, right? He loves black men? Did Padme know? Maybe, she's seen an early script for an upcoming film.
RIVERDALE AFTER DARK
Haddish didn't even need to see a single frame of "Riverdale" to make her joke about this gorgeous cast. First of all, these are some of the most well-known and iconic characters in the history of popular culture. Who doesn't know about Archie and Betty and Veronica and Jughead?
Well you don't know everything about them, apparently, and neither did we. "Apparently, Betty dates Jughead because he’s named after his penis," Haddish pointed out.
In one of the more awkward transitions of the night, she followed that rude joke by shifting immediately to the "Stranger Things" table, filled with underage children. She kept it clean, but wondered what they were really up to in Hawkins.
"Everyone thinks they are so cute, but hear me out," she said. "They ride bikes in a group, Eleven beats asses and they always dropping bodies. Where I come from, that’s a straight-up gang. You never see it, but I know that curly-haired one got a shank in his hair right now."
Gaten Matarazzo only nodded slowly. Hmmm, maybe she does know things we don't.
OTHER KILLER JOKES:
- "You know who else I love? Zendaya. She taught me how to model and I taught her how to grapefruit. What? She 21, y'all. She a grown woman. You gotta know how to do that if you want a husband."
- "Seth Rogen is here. I like you, Seth. You're my favorite bearded white man since Abraham Lincoln."
- "The Jonas Brother is here. Nick Jonas is going to tear it up with Mustard, which is also how I want him to tear it up with me."
- "I'm glad this show covers both TV and movies because now I get to flirt with Chris Pratt from 'Parks & Recreation' and Chris Pratt from 'Guardians of the Galaxy.' Hey Chris, I got a galaxy you can garden."
She probably saved her best joke for right after that first commercial break. "Welcome back and welcome back to my Alexander McQueen dress," she said, proudly showing off the dress she's worn to the premiere of "Girl's Trip," the Oscars and and "Saturday Night Live." "One more time. She did it again!"
Here's hoping we see it again and again as Tiffany's star continues to rise!