Introducing 'Bachelorette' Becca's 28 Suitors

The show leans hard into the biggest drama up its sleeve, and honestly, it reeks of fabrication.

We get it! David and Jordan don't like each other! It's almost a joke at this point to include any red flags about these two, because they're so obviously not in it for Becca and only in it to either pump up ratings or tear out each other's throats.

The bummer is that it took up so much of the show that we feel like we have to talk about it.

But guess what? We're in charge here! Maybe we'll mention it more later. Maybe we won't.

To kick off this week's coverage, let's take a look at the BIGGEST red flag from the whole episode:

Wayne Newton's Teeth Are Blindingly White

This episode was absolutely ridiculous, so we're going to say that Wayne Newton was the only thing that truly matters about it. But for real, we have nothing but love for Wayne. He's a good sport letting all those dude straight up murder a microphone in front of a live audience.

We just don't know why the show did a second lyric episode? Seems severely redundant.

Okay, Back to Jordan and David

David got the boot because he's a snitch and made all his time about tearing down others. Becca sent him packing!

Thank goodness. We don't have much more to say about this.

Chris Is an Over-Confident, Whiny Baby

Chris, after thinking he did really well strangling a cat in front of people trying to have a fun night out with Wayne Newton, was so pissed that he didn’t get one-on-one time with Becca (she gave out the rose before she could get to him!) that he pretty much pouted his way out of the room, saying he was going to quit over it.

It was an actual tantrum from an actual baby.

And when he got called out on it, he tried to edge into Wills' one-on-one time like a _sssss_nake! Wills handled it beautifully though, so we hope that impressed Becca.

(Also, was Chris saying "fusstrating" instead of "frustrating?")

Leo Looks Like Aquaman and Should Get More Screen Time

Those locks! We're pretty sure he doesn't have a shot, but we still want to see more of him just because he looks like a lumberjack Aquaman.

Commercials SUCK, Are Definitely a Red Flag

Guys, we had to watch the episode live tonight and it was painful. Not just because the episode was only so-so for the big showdown between those two goofballs Jordan and David, but because the commercials are so long, and so frequent, that it's like watching 50/50 "The Bachelorette" and how well Tide gets stains out.

Okay, Back to Jordan and David Again

Jordan got the boot too! Good. Hopefully we're down to a group of some more serious contenders. Everyone seemed pretty stoked about it when they found out.

But, what does that mean for the show? How will it figure out how to create drama and rivalries? Who will butt heads with each other now? What will we do without the two mortal enemies, gone so soon in the season?

Blake Confesses He's Falling In Love

Blake made an impact tonight on Becca during some one on one time where he leveraged the hot mess that happened with Jean Blanc last week to make his confession of love seem more real. He straight up said started off with bringing up the situation, and segued into his own confession.

AND SHE LIKED IT, AND SAID SHE WAS FALLING IN LOVE TOO?

Nah, Becca! Red flag!

The Rose Ceremony

Going into the rose ceremony, Chris still wouldn't shut up about himself and how much of a victim he was and how Becca would regret it.

And he STILL got a rose. RIP, John. You should've stayed over the baby.

Chris Harrison Rose Count: Still Zero

Maybe next week, Chris!

"The Bachelorette" airs Monday nights at 8 p.m. on ABC.

View Photos Instagram The Thirstiest Photos of Becca's 'Bachelorette' Suitors

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