"Please give it up for our crew," Beyonce shouts as they rush to the stuck platform with a ladder to rescue her and Jay-Z.
Beyonce is the queen and Jay-Z is the guy she married. She definitely proved who wears the pants in their professional relationship during a live performance malfunction, even though she almost never wears pants.
The nearly-ten-minute snafu went down during their concert Saturday night in Poland, as part of the Europen leg of their On the Run II tour. The couple were standing mid-air on a platform that was supposed to descend back down to the stage so they could get on with the show. Only, it didn't.
Instead, it just left them up there, perhaps because the god of stage productions knew that Queen Bey needed to take the time to look down upon her followers and truly see their multitudes. And like the queen she is, Beyonce handled the mishap like a boss. And like the not-Bey he is, Jay-Z kind of stood there.
It was a very cool platform effect, raising the pair into the sky and then slowly moving out and over the audience on a track down the center of the room. It was also a very big platform, so there was no real reason for the couple to worry, and so they just kept performing.
Beyonce was her usual flawless self, while Jay-Z provided able accompaniment on the rap verses. All in all, were it not for the arrival of a ladder to finally help get them down, the audience might have never known anything was amiss. They'd have just thought the couple decided to serenade one another from on high.
But while things were serene and beautiful atop the platform, we can only imagine the mad scrambling that was going on backstage and among the crew as they realized there was more than a billion dollars worth of people stuck atop a platform. They can't stay up there forever, even if they were singing "Forever Young."
"Please give it up for our incredible band," Beyonce said after the song ended with no sign of the platform dropping. "Please give it up for our beautiful dancers."
Then, as the crew scrambled toward the platform with a ladder, she added, "Please give it up for our crew, that's everyone that puts this thing together." It was the smoothest cover-up to a technical screw-up we've ever seen as Beyonce played with the audience while the credits rolled behind them. Meanwhile, her beloved husband just kind of stood there and stared off into the distance, perhaps contemplating if he'd have to live the rest of his life up there.
Jay-Z finally came to life when Beyonce gave it up for him, eliciting a roar of approval from the crowd. But if he got a roar, when he then gave it back to her, there came a scream from the crowd that nearly took the roof off of the building. Too bad it wasn't strong enough to lower that platform.
We get that these things happen, and a ladder was the most practical way to bring both of them back down to the ground, but shouldn't they have at least tried to find a way to carry Bey to the ground on a pillow carried by four shirtless gladiators or something? Maybe a winged chariot and flying horses. You know, something befitting her station.
She was a little hesitant to get on the ladder, which you would be too if you were wearing those stiletto boots! Finally, though, the queen descended from the heavens to the rapturous approval of her people.
Oh, and fair warning to whoever is performing at that venue next, there's a perfectly usable platform in the middle of the arena that you can use to get closer to your audience. Ladders not included.