The VMAs went without a host, so Cardi B kicked things off on stage cradling something precious.
The audience cheered, but it wasn't her baby she was holding. Seriously, do you know how loud it is in Radio City Music Hall during the VMAs? She'd have to bundle that baby inside a soundproof chamber to safely share the stage with her daughter, Kulture. Instead, she had a "Moon-person" in the bundle and Shawn Mendes as a performer.
"Welcome to New York," Cardi said. "I am the Empress." Was that subtle shade thrown at Nicki Minaj, who just dropped her "Queen" album last week and spent the weekend complaining via Twitter that it failed to make it to number one?
Minaj didn't comment on it when she came up to accept the first award of the show, and she's not been one to shy away from a VMAs feud. We're only a few years removed from, "What's good, Miley?" after all. So maybe it's nothing, but we're not totally convinced just yet.
And while Cardi's intro may have sounded like the opening lines of the standard type of monologue fans have come to expect from awards shows, the VMAs went a different direction altogether. They decided fans would rather see Shawn Mendes perform in a sleeveless white tank. Based on anecdotal evidence of nearby ladies, they made the right call.
And to ensure those fans weren't left disappointed, Mendes even wound up soaked by the end of the performance, coming in first in the wet t-shirt contest in which he was the only participant. But it was his fans who truly won.
And with that, the VMAs were underway, and we have to admit, we're here for this more efficient approach. Awards show monologues are too often too long and too labored and not nearly funny enough. Look at this person who is here. Look at this other person who is here. And did you hear about this person who was nominated? Yawn!
This way we get right into the action and if that action is a dripping wet Shawn Mendes, all the better!