If you're eating breakfast, you may want to avoid Twitter and this article.
"Mario Kart" is trending for all the wrong reasons on Tuesday, and is grossing people out once they figure out why it's the talk of Twitter.
Still with us? Okay, you pervert, here's the deal: The Guardian obtained an excerpt of Daniels' new memoir, "Full Disclosure," in which she compares Trump's "unusual" penis to a character from the popular Nintendo game.
"He knows he has an unusual penis," Daniels reportedly wrote. "It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool ..."
"I lay there, annoyed that I was getting f--ked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in 'Mario Kart,'" she added.
According to the Guardian, salacious details also include her summation of his penis size: "smaller than average," but "not freakishly small."
"It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion," she wrote of her alleged tryst with Trump at a celebrity golf tournament in Lake Tahoe, California, in 2006.
Twitter is now collectively trying to cope with the trauma of having that visual of the First Penis stuck in their head. Enjoy everyone else's pain below as you try to numb yours.
Aye Aye! DO NOT click Mario Kart!!!!!! Just keep it movin— Livin My ?uest life (@questlove) September 18, 2018
mine looks like Q’bert— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) September 18, 2018
You will never guess which Mario Kart character Stormy Daniels compared Trunp’s penis to. And you will never play that game again without vomiting.— Jeremy Newberger (@jeremynewberger) September 18, 2018
Mario Kart, ruined.— Mike Calia (@Michael_Calia) September 18, 2018
*opens twitter*— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) September 18, 2018
"Donald Trump's penis is shaped like a mushroom from Mario kart"
*sets fire to phone*
*launches phone into fucking pluto*
Me, logging on first thing in the morning: oh why is Mario Kart trending, maybe today won’t be that ba— pic.twitter.com/kq2twgyiWz— Vera Bergengruen (@VeraMBergen) September 18, 2018
Ohh "Mario Kart" is trending... Must be a new game!— ... O.o ... (@MileHighVillain) September 18, 2018
I clicked on that Mario Kart link in my "Trends for You" and now I won't be able to eat for the rest of the day.🤢 #TheMarioKartFast— Michelle Hylton (@chelliehylton) September 18, 2018
Me: Oh cool, Toad is trending. Wonder if they announced a new Mario Kart?!— Sharpie (@dapurplesharpie) September 18, 2018
Me: *after reading why its trending* pic.twitter.com/nfUHQmPcqV
I’ve just learned why Mario Kart is trending. pic.twitter.com/grSuxQfLYb— Cardigan Backyardigan (@travilly) September 18, 2018
I realize this is not the reaction most people would have to this, but...it upsets me that @StormyDaniels doesn't know Toad appears in numerous mainline games, not just Mario Kart.— Matthew Chapman (@fawfulfan) September 18, 2018