In the battle between "Horseface" and "Tiny," Stephen Colbert, James Corden and Jimmy Kimmel have determined that we are all the losers.
We already know Trump's a sore loser, based on Elizabeth Warren's DNA results. Now we know he's a bad winner as well, as he attacked Stormy Daniels' appearance after beating her in court, and late-night television was not impressed.
The president emerged victorious in the defamation lawsuit Daniels brought against him, with the judge ruling his insults are within the normal parameters of political and public discourse. But isn't Trump the one creating these newer base standards for political and civil discourse.
By that logic, is it now legal to grab 'em by the--
Okay, there may still be some standards, but it would appear the president was emboldened by his victory and decided to show off some of that political and public discourse by giving Stormy Daniels a new nickname after his victory.
“Federal Judge throws out Stormy Danials lawsuit versus Trump. Trump is entitled to full legal fees.” @FoxNews Great, now I can go after Horseface and her 3rd rate lawyer in the Great State of Texas. She will confirm the letter she signed! She knows nothing about me, a total con!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 16, 2018
Daniels quickly shot back with a new nickname of her own, and she had the decency to spell her words correctly after the president misspelled her last name.
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present your president. In addition to his...umm...shortcomings, he has demonstrated his incompetence, hatred of women and lack of self control on Twitter AGAIN! And perhaps a penchant for bestiality. Game on, Tiny. https://t.co/6DpDD5ELtj— Stormy Daniels (@StormyDaniels) October 16, 2018
"The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert showed the president's tweet to his audience, with an audible gasp when he read the insult. "Yes, 'horseface,'" he told them. "You heard it straight from the horse's ass."
Colbert quickly went on to add, "But on Twitter, just like in real life, Stormy quickly spanked the president." He then showed Daniels' scathing response, including two insults to his ... umm ... shortcomings.
"That is the most devastating presidential put-down since John Wilkes Booth shouted, 'Sic semper small-penis!'" Colbert joked.
"The Late Late Show with James Corden"
James Corden had to admit that he wasn't surprised the president celebrated his legal victory by gloating on Twitter and insulting his opponent. But he wondered if there might be more going on here than most people are realizing.
"As you may recall, Stormy Daniels recently said that Trump has a Toad penis. Now Trump says she has a horseface," Corden mused. "Now is it just me, or are there still sparks there?"
In the end, though, the whole thing proved too upsetting. "This may have been a defamation lawsuit between Stormy Daniels and Donald Trump, but after hearing the details about them being together, I feel like I should be the one getting a gag order," Corden said, promptly gagging simply from thinking about it.
"Jimmy Kimmel Live"
"The president took a little victory slap at Stormy Daniels," Jimmy Kimmel told his Brooklyn audience before reading Trump's tweet. Again, there was an audible reaction when he got to the word "horseface."
"Well that's not a very nice thing to say about a lady you made brief sputtering love to after being spanked by a magazine with your face on it, is it?" Kimmel said. He also lamented the loss of love, comparing this breakup to that between Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson.
"The reason Stormy Daniels reminds him of a horse is because after they had sex he had to pony up $100,000," Kimmel joked after reading the tweet.
Then, like Colbert, he just couldn't resist sharing Daniels' retort. "'Game on, Tiny,'" he reiterated. "That could result in a nuclear strike."
Got a story or a tip for us? Email TooFab editors at firstname.lastname@example.org.