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And hands out Big Macs to trick-or-treaters.
Jimmy Fallon's version of President Donald Trump celebrated Halloween on Tuesday night by declaring victory.
After making Christmas great again and gloating about it at a rally this past summer, the faux POTUS dressed up as "Count Trumpula" to bask in winning the Fake News Media's "war on ween."
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View Story"Ivanka suck your blood," he began as he emerged from a coffin in the Oval Office. "It is I, Count Trumpula, wishing you all a very happy Halloween. That's right. I said it. Happy. Halloween. It's so great to be able to say Happy Halloween again. The war on ween is over."
Count Trumpula proceeded to address the American public about all of the most pressing issues heading into the Midterm Election. Here are a few of our favorite unpresidential proclamations.
"My vampire costume has been a yuge success," he said. "All day long, people have been yelling at me, 'You suck!'"
"Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's the one day a year when no one makes fun of you for being covered in toilet paper," Trumpula joked, referencing that time the president of the United States was caught on camera walking onto Air Force One with toilet paper stuck to his shoe.
"Plus, it's the day when everyone in the country goes on the same exact diet as me. I love Halloween candy," Trumpula continued. "I also love candy corn. It's got all the food groups: candy and corn. Plus I eat a bag of Smarties every day to make myself that much smartier than everyone else."
