'DWTS' Semifinals 5th Judge: Double Elimination Vote Goes So Wrong Even Safe Contestants Are Angry

It's hard to believe it's the semifinals already on "Dancing with the Stars," which meant two dances for each couple. And then another shocking twist and an even worse result!

What's this? you ask. There are still six couples left. How can it be over next week? Well, that's because the mean people over at ABC decided to do back-to-back double eliminations, meaning two more people were facing the chopping block. That isn't scary at all on a season of bizarre viewer votes.

And America did not disappoint, by which we mean they disappointed us so much we probably aren't going to be able to talk to them for at least another week.

In all honesty, the answer should have been obvious as Bobby Bones and "Grocery Store Joe" Amabile aren't even in the same class as the other four semifinalists, but America has kept them around for some reason so we went into tonight with absolutely no faith that America would get it right.

And that faith proved justified as America got it so very, very wrong!

Who do I think I am? you ask. Well, I spent nearly a decade of my life sweating and bleeding to the music as a dancer. From a young boy learning a shuffle-ball-change to performing with the St. Louis Ballet Company, I experienced the ups and downs of one of the most difficult physically demanding sports on the planet. During this time, I was also a member of the St. Louis Symphony Youth Orchestra, as well as a gymnast, writer and cartoonist. I had a lot more energy in my younger years. And I've spent the last sixteen years analyzing and critiquing reality competition shows for various media publications. I've got this.

Fair warning, since I'm safe at home, I'm probably going to be a little harsher than my colleagues Carrie-Ann Inaba, Len Goodman, and Bruno Tonioli. But I might be nicer, too. Maybe.

This was light on salsa content but heavy on Bobby Bones special something that makes him so damned endearing. He did give a little bit of hip action and grinding, but there was nowhere near the sensuality the format wants. He was also still a little too stiff and missed his timing, even when partnering Sharna, but props to his swag segments as he showed some real street cred on those parts. There's a mover in there somewhere.

Judges Scores: 7, 7, 7

My Score: 7

Such a stunningly choreographed and moving piece of music, we were so lost in their story the end actually came as a shock and a huge disappointment. Her carriage, head placement, up-down motion, all of it was just stunning. A little more follow through on leg extensions would have been nice, but things were moving quickly here and it's a minor quibble. Alexis remains one of the strongest celebrity dancers to ever grace this stage.

Judges Scores: 9, 9, 10

My Score: 9

At least Joe recognizes that it's a miracle he's still around. Joe had a chance to redeem himself with this one, but he was just going through the motions. His hands were like dead fish in the closing move and that's where we needed elegance to sell that he was basically Jenna's prop. Don't get it wrong, he was great for her as a partner, making her look lovely throughout the routine, but he was flat and lacked any finesse of movement of his own. She protected him as much as she could, and all credit for pulling off the lifts, but it lacked in actual dance.

Judges Scores: 8, 7, 7

My Score: 6

Okay, Juan Pablo missed his timing on the flicks a bit at one point but how about just shut up about it because that was an impeccably complex, gifted and transcendent tango. Cheryl is clearly loving having such a gifted partner as this was the kind of choreography you give two pros and Juan Pablo absolutely nailed it. The attack, the posture, the control, the precision. This guy is the one to beat based on quality of movement alone.

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 10

There was a triumphant joyousness to this frenetic and hard-hitting, yet no less delicate, contemporary piece. Evanna really spoke of her love and loss through the movement of her body and the expression of her arms and legs was particularly poignant. She really is quite elegant moving across the dance floor and was almost flawless in the air, save for the last vertical lift where he legs faltered every so slightly. But for storytelling and love, this piece was top notch.

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 10

Another strong contender for the trophy this year, Milo gave Juan Pablo a run for his money with a very passionate and powerful tango. But while it lacked in the density of tango content Cheryl gave Juan Pablo, Milo had countless lifts executed effortlessly and with real grace. He's definitely has a gift for movement, as evidence by how much he commanded our attention in just the opening frame. His frame was great, extensions, flicks were there. It was all good.

Judges Scores: 9, 9, 9

My Score: 10

Len asked for a repeat of their jive from Week 1, which was a chaotic mess ... fun, but an absolute mess. This was more controlled, but a bit of a controlled mess this time around. Bobby did show some (sloppy) jive footwork from time to time, but he missed the last trick and lost control of his body a few times. It does show that he has improved from Week 1, but not enough to edge out any of the current Top 4 for the finals.

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 8

My Score: 7

Bruno brought brought this pair back to Week 1 as well for a repeat of their jive, which Alan remixed into a Jazzercise tribute. That turned out to be a lot of fun, with an assist from Brandon as the class instructor. A high-energy blast from the past, Alexis' form was mostly good throughout and she managed to keep her energy up. The hands were a little stiff and awkward at times, but it's tough to know what to do with them when there's so much foot action. Again, a very minor complaint for a very challenging routine she conquered almost flawlessly.

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 10

Carrie-Ann pushed Joe back into the quickest with advice on breathing and musicality and we counted out the steps and he was absolutely on point through most of it. Honestly, it was the best he's looked from a dancing perspective as he was way more than just a prop for Jenna. Yeah, his technique still needs work and he flubbed his footwork from time to time, but this was the strongest he's probably ever been in one of the hardest styles this show tackles.

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 8

My Score: 8

Juan Pablo visibly messed up his footwork twice to the point he stopped and waited to jump back in, but even so it was subtle and he covered it with everything else and great partnering. Now, there was a lot of good salsa content here, but it was also a very complex dance with lots of hip action and turns and partnering that may have overwhelmed him. Bruno chose this Week 1 piece for a redux and in doing so may have exposed Juan Pablo's only weakness in the Latin styles. And even so, he was still great.

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 10

This one took a little while to get to some real foxtrot, but once there it was executed quite well. Evanna has a lovely confidence to her performance that was missing when she did this in Week 1, and Len definitely pulled out the best in her as far as frame and positioning. She was lovely throughout this piece, and her extensions are just mesmerizing. She has improved so much from when we first saw her, we can even forgive one little footworking stumble in the middle.

Judges Scores: 10, 9, 9

My Score: 9

Carrie-Ann made the right call asking for the Week 1 cha cha again because Milo was so withdrawn in that one, he'd yet to embrace his full height and use his full extensions, leaving the whole thing kind of mushy. They wrapped this up with a pretty slick leg trick, but before that Milo was much improved in using the full length and height of his body, even though it wasn't as strong as he's been in most of his recent dances..

Judges Scores: 9, 9, 10

My Score: 9

After two rounds of competition, there was a four-and-a-half point spread between Milo's score and the bottom two per the judges, Bobby and Joe. Now, this has been consistent week in and week out, but Bobby and Joe also have tremendous support from fans.

Last week's judges' scores had an even wider gap between the Top 4 and the Bottom 2, but we've seen both men overcome that gap before, which is nerve-wracking because we really want to see quality dance win out this season.

Everyone has shown tremendous growth throughout the season, and while Bobby and Joe are getting incrementally better, they're just in a different class. Wouldn't it be great to see the best of the best battle it out for the cheesiest trophy in sports?

Announcing couples in jeopardy, the audience was stunned to hear that Joe & Jenna were there, alongside Alexis & Alan (again and again and again) and Juan Pablo & Cheryl. And so, it continues as Bobby made it into the finals and the show had to say goodbye to either the strongest female or the strongest male star.

Viewers are so weird.

In the end, it was time to say goodbye to best overall dancer in the competition, which is absolutely maddening. Juan Pablo & Cheryl were the couple to beat, and yet they didn't even make it to the finals? Even Bobby was booing this one with a thumbs down.

No offense to Joe & Jenna but we're pretty sure they agree with their elimination here. It was a great run and Joe started to show improvement, but he was outclassed to the end.

And so, we have our David Ross of this season, with Bobby making it to the finals. He's going to have his work cut out for him against Milo, Evanna and Alexis on the technical side, but he has that huge radio audience and they clearly love him. Anything could happen!

The "Dancing With the Stars" finale airs next Monday at 8 p.m. ET, and don't forget companion show, "Dancing With the Stars: Juniors," Sundays at 8 p.m .ET on ABC.

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