Noah then played clips of Democratic senator Jeff Merkley during a senate meeting calling the plan a "vampire bill" because "it's general intent is to suck the life out of the healthcare system for struggling families."
"No Senator, I know you're trying to scare the people, but it's not working. First off, vampires don't have that reputation anymore, now they're sparkly and cool," Noah said. "People don't want to run from them, they want to f-ck them."
Finally, Noah addressed the Democrats one last time, saying there might be a better way to inform people about how scary this healthcare bill actually is. He proceeded then to grab a flashlight and tell the "horror story" that is Trumpcare.
"Have you heard the tale of Trumpcare? Crafted in a secret ancient house on Capitol Hill. They said it would throw 23 million people off health care and premiums would rise! By like, 700 percent or something. Like, a really big number. The secret Republican bill would also make it mandatory for everyone to wear a catheter. 'Oh but I don't have a urine problem.' Too bad! Open your pee-pee hole. And scariest of all, under Trumpcare, every American would have to share one pharmacist: Bill Cosby."