"He got spanked, but I feel like I'm being punished," the late-night host jokes.
"It seems like not all of the sex Donald Trump had with Stormy Daniels back in 2006 was as she described 'textbook generic,'" the "Late Show" host said Friday night. "Some of it, apparently, was magazine kinky."
Despite a purported $130,000 settlement to keep the porn star quiet, Daniels' story about the alleged affair with a married Trump came out Friday. That's because she was interviewed extensively by InTouch magazine back in 2011, three years before she signed the agreement. After the settlement story broke, however, other details began to emerge from other sources, including an email exchange between two political consultants from the time Daniels was considering a Senate run, as reported by Mother Jones.
One of the political consultants Daniels talked to about her potential Senate run wrote in an email to another consultant that "her affair with Trump included an unusual act...spanking him with a Forbes magazine...with Trump on the cover." Trump has denied her account through his attorney.
"Wow," Colbert said. "He got spanked, but I feel like I'm being punished. Though, I gotta say, bravo, sir! It is not easy to maintain an ego that big while being sexually submissive."
Colbert then imitated Trump, saying, "I am the best little boy. I deserve the finest spankings on my tremendous Trump rump. Many people are saying I'm really the top bottom of all time."
"I can't believe that's a joke based on actual news," he added.
In case we weren't disgusted enough, the comedian then put a cherry on top of an already ill-made cake.
"If I may add one more visual to haunt your nightmares tonight," he said. "A cover of Forbes from the time does feature Trump and two of his children, Donald Jr. and Ivanka. I think I speak for Dr. Freud when I say we owe oedipus an apology. And once again, sadly, Eric's left out of the fun stuff."
Although Daniels has yet to talk to the press, she's still "willing to bear it all" because she just announced she'll be performing at a strip club in South Carolina as part of the Making America Horny Again Tour.
"Which, I gotta say, America needs right now because the biggest possible turnoff is imagining Donald Trump having sex," Colbert joked.