It was a busy weekend in Washington, D.C., with another Women's March and a three-day government shutdown, which means it was a busy Monday for late-night TV writers trying to cram jokes on every issue in.
During the shutdown, which Democrats blamed on Donald Trump and the president blamed on the Democrats, Trump celebrated the one-year anniversary of his inauguration by posing for a photo of him in the Oval Office, allegedly working -- though many aren't all that confident he was really doing much of anything.
When not posing for pictures with office phones, Trump was busy not only blaming Democrats for the shutdown on Twitter, but taking credit for the 2nd Annual Women's March, which brought more than a million women to the streets. Trump is right in that the March is largely about him, but he clearly missed the message, or is trying to change perceptions about it.
With the government shutdown over, Jimmy Fallon was impressed with the technique used, even if it did seem familiar. "They shut it down and they started it back up," he said. "It's nice to know Trump's plan for fixing the government is the same as fixing a Windows computer."
He also took note of the 2nd Annual Women's March, which took place on the one-year anniversary of Trump taking office, Jan. 20, 2018. "Thousands of women held signs protesting the president, but Trump was like, 'Joke's on you, I can't read,'" Fallon joked.
One thing Trump can do, though, is speak. In a tribute to the woman who performed the "Star Wars" cantina song with a pencil tip, Fallon presented one of his own making, featuring Donald Trump soundbites. We dare you to try and make it through the whole thing without at least cracking a smile ... but we know you're probably laughing!
Stephen Colbert noted that the U.S. almost avoided that government shutdown thanks to some smart thinking by Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer.
"The two-day shutdown almost didn't happen at all because on Friday Chuck Schumer met with Trump at the White House and they 'came close to a deal over cheeseburgers,'" Colbert noted. "That's smart. Get him all burgered up first. Although if they're eating burgers, I think that means they were negotiating in Trump's bed."
The deal they did finally reach bought Congress until Feb. 8 to figure out a long-term solution. "All that needs to happen is Congress has to agree on how to fix our entire immigration system in 17 days," Colbert said. "And once they do that, the pigs that fly out of all their butts will solve world hunger.
But the most exciting development for Colbert came in the form of Trump's email after the temporary deal was made. Trump headlined it "Democrats Caved," to which Colbert excitedly asked, "There's a cave? Can we all fit in there? Is there enough food and water for the next three years?"
"Schumer said negotiating with the president is like trying to negotiate with Jell-O, specifically the orange Jell-O," Kimmel said about that late-night session to try and avoid the government shutdown.
He then found footage of Trump from the 2013 government shutdown saying that the failure starts at the top, and the president should be the one to get fired. "You know, that would totally come back to haunt the president if anything ever came back to haunt the president," Kimmel lamented.
He had to give Trump props for one thing, as more than a million women took to the streets for the 2nd Annual Women's March. "Donald Trump got more women to exercise than Michelle Obama ever did," Kimmel quipped. But when Trump took credit for the March, saying it was in celebration of his achievements, Kimmel retorted, "Boy, he's really bad at reading women. Only Donald Trump could find a way to make a protest that's about him even more about him."
For a while, it looked like Trevor Noah might just spend his whole show making fun of that photo the White House released of the president working on the phone during the shutdown. "He just looks like a part-time model who's learning on the job," Noah laughed. But he wasn't done yet, adding, "What's with that pose? It looks like he doesn't even know how to sit at a president's desk, like he's half out of it."
You think that's all? "It looks like he was on a tour of the White House and then he snuck in and took the phone like, 'Quick, quick, take a picture. I'm the president!"
After finally moving on, Noah marveled at the bipartisan praise Congress was heaping on itself for their deal to fund the government through Feb. 8. "American lawmakers are priceless," he said. "They want credit for fixing the thing that they broke? And not like really fixing it, like barely fixing it."
He compared it to a tenant trying to skirt their landlord for late rent and then slipping him enough to cover a few weeks -- "And don't cash that 'til Friday!"
Seth Meyers applauded the Women's March as a protest against the presidency, saying, "What better way to attack Trump than with exercise and reading."
He then talked about the government shutdown, which was reopened after Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell agreed to a negotiation and vote on DACA by Feb. 8.
"I don't know, is that a face you can trust?" Meyers said showing a picture of McConnell. "I don't even trust that to be a face. It looks like Bill Gates tried to paint a self portrait with a blindfold on."
Meyers laughed at the near-aversion of the government shutdown, imagining the negotations "over cheeseburgers" between Schumer and Trump. In what was clearly a fantasy, Meyers imagined the scene playing out like this: "'Are you gonna finish that?' said Schumer about Trump's first term."