Jenni "JWoww" Farley put the guys to shame as she ordered lap dance after lap dance and spent the entire night sandwiched between perfect boobs and perfect butts.
Ronnie, who was busy being a good boy and keeping his hands to himself, was mind-blown.
"My soul has left my body and entered Jenni's body," he said. "I am living vicariously through Jenni right now, let's just put it that way."
While Jenni was bumpin' and grindin' and getting away with everything the guys wished they could be getting away with, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi was busy crawling around on the floor, collecting cash and stuffing it into Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's jacket pocket. Ummmmm, does she know how strip clubs work? Does she know Mike's facing sentencing for tax evasion? So many questions.
"Is that money? Mike, they're giving money!" Nicole said as she got down on all fours. "Mike, you need this. Put it in your pocket. Put it in your pocket! There's so much money there! This is ridiculous. It's a whole lot of f-cking diapers. I'm the richest bitch ever! Thank you!"
Ronnie said watching Nicole gather dollar bills was like watching a squirrel gather nuts, and we can't disagree.
Eventually, Mike -- who was sober and likely mortified -- insisted Nicole put the money back. (Can't knock a girl for trying to be a good friend, though, right?)
Nicole then went from shoving cash into Mike's jacket pocket to shoving cash into her own purse -- until one of the strippers caught her red handed. "No, no, baby," the woman said. "That's our money!" Nicole didn't even put up a fight, telling the stripper she "didn't mean to."
The next day, Mike, Pauly D and Vinny Guadagnino (MVP, if you will) decided to go out. Ronnie opted to stay home because the guys were planning on going back to the same bar at which he found his French lady friend. According to him, "A criminal doesn't return to the scene of the crime."
If only Vinny -- who also had a girlfriend back home -- had been as smart. At the club, he drank a whole bottle of liquor and found himself a girl with what he described as "a big, fat booty," which he couldn't resist because he's "a victim of evolution."
After putting his drink on this woman's butt and watching her twerk, Vinny turned his sights to the bottle-service girls. He put his arm around one and jokingly blamed her for getting him "f-cked up." She then asked, "Are you married or anything?" Vin said, "No."
"You gotta keep hanging out with us," he told her. "What is your number?"
"Everyone's having a good time, they're all drinking, there's girls around," Mike said during his confessional. "I'm thinking to myself, like, my boy Vinny needs to be careful, because when you're partying a little too hard, the next thing you know, you forget -- 'Do I have a girl?'
Mike ended up stepping in and pulling Vinny away from the girls "before he made a Ronnie-level mistake." But Vinny's girlfriend, Elicea -- who he later called -- felt the mistake was made the moment he asked for other women's numbers.
"With your girlfriend at home, getting a bitch's number out doesn't look good for you," she said over the phone.