Inevitably, she addressed the backlash she saw after her WHCD appearance, with particular attention to the flak she received for criticizing Sanders' looks ... which she totally didn't do! Apparently, in the land of snowflakes, a "perfect smoky eye" is a scathing personal attack on someone's physical appearance.
This time around, Sanders' name came up during a segment where Wolf applauded Gina Haspel for "waterboarding the glass ceiling until it broke" and becoming the first female director of the CIA. "After Gina was nominated, my best friend Sarah Huckabee Sanders tweeted, 'Any Democrat who claims to support women's empowerment and our national security but opposes her nomination is a total hypocrite,'" Wolf said. "Well, if anyone's an expert on hypocrites, it's Sarah Huckabee Sanders."
She then quickly added, "And for the record, that was not a looks-based joke. That was about her ugly personality."
It was a wide-ranging 30 minutes of topical conversation, with a segment on the criticism women face when they don't want to have children and a running joke about Mario Batali's appearance, because who's going to tell her to stop "sexual predator shaming"? Following are three more topics she turned her sharp satirical eye on during a very solid premiere.
After admitting that she'd never seen a single episode of "Suits," Wolf pointed out that the only thing she really knew about it was that the USA series seems to be on all the time in England. So she presented her wild conspiracy theory about the romance between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.
"I have this theory that Prince Harry saw Meghan in 'Suits' and was a fan of her, and now the rest of their relationship is her shielding him from better shows," Wolf said. "He's like, '"Suits" is the best," and she's like, 'You're right. There are no better shows.' And he's like,' What's this I hear about "Big Little Lies"?' And she's like, 'No, it's terrible. Ugly people, hard to follow, very few suits!"
NFL PROTEST FINES
Wolf seemed particularly perturbed by NFL owners' decision to fine teams when their players kneeled during the national anthem, but offering them the opportunity to stay in the locker room as a form of protest if they wanted. "I believe it was Martin Luther King, Jr. who said, 'The best protests are the ones no one can see!'" Wolf joked.
"NFL viewership is down but it's not because of the protests during the national anthem," she continued. "It's everything else. Addressing the national anthem while ignoring the other problems is like making sure JFK was wearing his seat belt."
She then suggested that rather than rely so heavily on instant replays, the league could "get refs with good eyes who can see things and make good calls. And then once you're positive that those refs have good eyes and can make the right call, see if they maybe want to be a police officer.
"That's how you should become a cop," Wolf realized suddenly. "Refs can see things. They're not threatened by black men. And their reaction to sudden movement is to just throw a flag."
The comedian was also left scratching her head over the recent Miss USA pageant, which she described as "one big #MeToo." That's why it was so crazy to her that the contestants shared their #MeToo moments as part of the broadcast.
"These women are literally walking across the stage in bathing suits so the judges can score their bodies and then maybe reward them with money," she said. "Those pre-recorded videos must be like, 'Oh, my #MeToo story? Well, my high school biology teacher, my college boyfriend and right now. Yeah, this one's pretty bad.'"
Wolf had to admit she was uncomfortable even criticizing the Miss USA pageant and things like it, because these women are there voluntarily. "Miss USA's a perfect example of how weird it is to be a woman," she said. "Because I want women to do what they want to do, I just wish this wasn't what they wanted to do. Look, if you can get money showing your body and you're comfortable with that, get your money. But also, have another skill, just in case of an emergency like, I don't know, age."
"The Break with Michelle Wolf" premieres new episodes every Sunday on Netflix. We're confident her "best friend" Sarah Huckabee Sanders will be tuning in.