Val Kilmer slid into his own comments on Facebook on Friday, after a post he wrote about the suicide of Anthony Bourdain sparked some backlash from his fans.
The "Top Gun" actor posted a lengthy reaction to the chef-turned TV host's death earlier this morning, in which he called Bourdain "selfish" for taking his own life, before reflecting on what could have been going through his head when he did it.
"#anthonybourdainisdead. Oh the darkness. Oh the dark thick pain of loss. The selfishness," he began his post. "How many moments away were you from feeling the love that was universal. From every corner of the world you were loved. So selfish. You've given us cause to be so angry. A spiritual guide once told me suicide is the most selfish act a human can execute and I was confused but she explained there's just no mental place further away from humanity and purpose than the hypnotized numbness that creates the false picture of despair, that forces the victim, unaware, to believe, life's legacy is over. That there is no more service. No more task. No more love left to give to another to to be given. Nothing to heal."
"I hear you took your life in Paris. What hotel? Did you relapse? Did you just get home from the best meal of your life? Did you cheat on your girl? Those of us that knew you are shocked and angry and angry and angry selfishly angry, for what you just did to us," he continued. "Millions I should think. At least a million people like me who imagine they know you. Some imagine they know you even well."
"Would you have taken your life two years ago when like me you were unable to take in food and move it with your tongue over your taste buds because your tongue was too swollen? Is too swollen," Kilmer continued, referring to his own battle with lung cancer. "I think and dream and plan on eating and tasting and enjoying every meal I've ever enjoyed and every meal I've learned to enjoy in my imagination, Altho I've never met a meal I didn't like in the last 40 years except anything with too much cilantro. Was that it? You woke up and realized you were no longer hungry. And that even with a young daughter at home you would never be hungry enough again to want to take in breath."
He went on, "You could have and should have given it one more shot. Sometimes we must live in service to another''s life and live with no hope of equality. Life isn't fair that way. Who says you had a right to take away all this love from us so soon? Oh the darkness. The darkness on the edge of town. 'There's a darkness in the edge of town...' you left too soon my friend. I fell asleep to watching you enjoy Uruguay last night. It was a rerun but I always find something I didn't see before... you left too soon. And I'm going to prove it..."
The comments on the post were split between those who applauded Kilmer for sharing his feelings openly and others disappointed with his attitude.
"Wow just wow it's attitudes like this that make having this invisible illness deadly," wrote one follower in a popular comment.
Kilmer responded, writing, "Clearly you miss my whole point of love. I believe that Love can heal. It is not that I believe because he had an illness it was up to him to be solely responsible. You I am sorry to say, didn't read what I wrote very carefully. I have grown up around extreme depression my whole life and have studied it intensely. I certainly wouldn't judge his pain nor did I claim to. But clearly he felt he couldn't take another breath and Love and a search for it enables us to try one more time."
"Is it not selfish that he could not consider his poor daughters needs for even an hour before committing the act," he also asked. "I am sorry you feel so violated as to wish to not know me in any way or now wish to find no value in my art. The way you talk makes me think you didn't pay much attention to Bourdain's life or words either. He tried to see the big picture, and his tireless effort lead him to see sometimes very deeply."
Another follower -- who said she was once suicidal -- wrote, "I'm incredibly sad to hear your angry words and accuse a person of being so selfish." His response: "I'm angry because I love him and what he stood for. I'm so grateful you shared your story. You were open to Love on that crucial day. Anthony Bourdain was not for whatever reason. I don't claim to know what it was."
In another comment, Kilmer wrote, "Life is glorious and I don't intend to know what pain drove Bourdain to stop breathing but I know Love and the Love of Love saves and purifies and heals."