Just to piss them off entirely, the new film also features the lady Ghostbusters, the new female Doctor Who and a shocking revelation about Chewbacca.
Speculation remains that "Star Wars: The Last Jedi" star Kelly Marie Tran left Instagram over constant racist abuse by so-called "Star Wars" fans, so Stephen Colbert prepared a new "Episode IX" trailer just for those toxic trolls.
"That is terrible," Colbert said of the abuse Tran has suffered, "But it is good to see Roseanne staying busy."
He then detailed the significance of Tran's casting, as the first female "Star Wars" lead who is not white. As one of the whitest and male-est franchises in any medium, Lucasfilm should be applauded for adding diversity to the film, but each time they've done so it's been met with an abhorrent backlash from a certain segment of its fandom. John Boyega endured it before "The Force Awakens," and the whole franchise was attacked when "Rogue One" featured a female lead.
"So just to teach these fanboys a lesson, we here at the 'Late Show' have partnered with Lucasfilm to create a new 'Star Wars' movie." He then premiered the exclusive new teaser trailer for it, completely with a "movie guy" voiceover to make sure we know just how serious this is.
Describing it as "the first 'Star Wars' movie "specifically designed to make racist, misogynist nerds mad," the announcer explains that Tran is the star now because "all of the cool male characters like Kylo Ren and Poe Dameron fell into a big hole after Rey cut their penises off."
Just to rub it in, the faux film also features the lady Ghostbusters, the new female Doctor Who and a girl wearing a "Rick & Morty" t-shirt. But the biggest reveal was saved for last. "Chewbacca was a woman the whole time!"
We can't wait for "Star Wars: Episode IX: Shut the Hell Up You Broken Hateful Dweebs."