'America's Got Talent' 5th Judge: Best Tech Act Yet Nearly Steals Show From Second Coming of Janis Joplin

It was the third night of auditions, and already this is shaping up to be a fantastically interesting and diverse season. In fact, this week, we got an audition that absolutely defies explanation, but it was brilliantly mesmerizing anyway, honey! And then there was the second coming of Janis Joplin. What was that and where did she come from?!

"Who do I think I am?" you ask. Well, I spent nearly a decade of my life sweating and bleeding to the music as a dancer. From a young boy learning a shuffle-ball-change to performing with the St. Louis Ballet Company, I experienced the ups and downs of one of the most difficult physically demanding sports on the planet.

During this time, I was also a member of the St. Louis Symphony Youth Orchestra, as well as a gymnast, writer and cartoonist. I had a lot more energy in my younger years. And I've spent the last sixteen years analyzing and critiquing reality competition shows for various media publications. I've got this.

Fair warning, since I'm safe at home, I'm probably going to be a little harsher than my colleagues Howie Mandel, Mel B, Heidi Klum and Simon Cowell. But I might be nicer, too. Maybe. For this stage of the competition, it's just about getting through to the next round, so I'll give my vote alongside the judges. And just for fun, I'm gonna rank them from worst to first to see who emerges as my favorite each night.

(comedy act) He came out dressed like a caterpillar putting on an obnoxious accent, but what was the point? He actually went through the chrysalis stage and finally emerged as a butterfly while lamenting how much it hurts. Even worse, he apparently had a hole in his stockings in the worst possible place ... was that intentional? He certainly didn't seem to care. The whole thing was very uncomfortable. Like ... just no.

Judges Votes: [no vote, just no]

My Vote: N

(escape artist) While this act was exciting, it was a little obvious as well. Of course he was going to drop the first knife. And then when he bent the posts his arms were zip-tied to, it was a little obvious that the bending wasn't nearly as hard as he was making out. Especially when he started cutting and they then bent easily. So it was all showmanship, but a little too telegraphed for me. There's better out there, and we've seen better on this show.

Judges Votes: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Vote: N

(everything) Hans is really like nothing else out there, but he is memorable, multi-talented and absolutely hilarious. If his voice were stronger, he'd be one of the best acts this show has seen on sheer lunacy alone. But there is something to be said for simply being entertaining no matter what you're doing. His banter with Simon and the judges was amazing. Hans defies definition or description but he's a hoot and a half.

Judges Votes: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Vote: Y

(comedian) Samuel has Tourette syndrome, so he quickly told the audience that if his head or face twitched, it was kind of cute. It was a clever way to disarm them and then he took it even further with Tourette-themed jokes. Those were clever enough, as well as informative as to what it might be like to live with the disorder, but I wouldn't want his entire act to be like that. He's been at this for a decade, so I'm going to guess he just opens with these jokes to put the audience at ease with his condition, and we'll move on in the next round.

Judges Votes: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Vote: Y

(singer) The show decided to start on an uplifting note with this utterly adorable five-year old. "Oh my God, there's so much people," she said. I mean, this is a little girl but for a little girl that's an impressive little talent she has. She even affected a vibrato while singing "My Way." The audience rightfully stood on their feet as she sang in pitch, knew all the words and absolutely defied every expectation you might have about a five-year old. She was fearless standing in front of a room filled with people and she nailed that audition.

Judges Votes: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Vote: Y

(dancers) The two brothers who created the crew haven't performed together in four years, as one of them stepped away to focus on his new family. So this was an emotional reunion and audition for the entire group. These guys had a little bit of everything, from bone breaking to classic b-boy to acrobatics and beautiful synchronicity. They even have a little seven-year-old dancer. He wasn't quite as sharp as the rest, but he was used sparingly and more for the cute factor. There was some smart and clever choreography. They were hip and cool and fun to watch. Seven-year-old Rufio was so excited, he asked if the judges had any Dunkin' Donuts, and then he totally chomped into a jelly-filled one. Just infectious fun from start to finish.

Judges Votes: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Vote: Y

(singer) At 57 years old, Miss Trish fearlessly tackled Alicia Keys' powerhouse "If I Was Your Woman," which she dedicated the Simon. The crush was adorable, but the voice was for real. In fact, I'm going to say that the 57 years helped her give even more emotion and passion than we might have seen in a younger singer. Trish owned that song, and got everyone on their feet. She was so infectious, she earned herself a hug from her crush. "I'm gonna have good dreams tonight," she laughed after. But damn, there's no denying her talent.

Judges Votes: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Vote: Y

(singer) This former "Glee" star enjoyed a single year of stardom, but then the show ended and it was back to the real world, and so he poured himself back into the music. And this guy is the real deal. It was an effortless voice as he made "Love on the Brain" his own. That voice soared with just the right amount of grit that you could both hear his experience as a vocalist and the pain he can pour into it through life experience.

Judges Votes: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Vote: Y

(quick change artists) We've seen quick change on this show before, but I'm not sure we've seen it as fast, fun or quick as this former couple. They even brought out Tyra Banks at the end to do a quick change behind just smoke with her. It was evident that the girl was layered up in the earlier rounds, so some of the mystique was missing, but they were nevertheless very fun to watch, and no matter what she had to do to change, it was very, very fast. And when the two of them got into one together, it was amazing as there was just no room to move. It was a very sharp first audition.

Judges Votes: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Vote: Y

(technology art) This was one of the most innovative uses of technology screen that we've seen on the show. Yuri put himself into a virtual reality world, but then everything went wrong. Moving himself fully in 360 degrees in tandem with the imagery created a photorealistic virtual reality experience that was so good at times, you could forget you were watching a man in front of a screen. Even better, he told a horrific story of technology gone awry, with a twist ending. It was truly something special, and the ultimate potential for this is endless.

Judges Votes: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Vote: Y

(singer) Courtney genuinely seems to suffer from crippling shyness and severe anxiety. When she started singing, she came alive like Janis Joplin; it was a full-body performance of the Black Crowes' "Hard to Handle" and her vocals were wholly unique. Watching her walk onto the stage, where did this powerhouse vixen come from. And then as soon as the song was over, she was back to the meek little girl that walked out on stage. That was absolutely crazy, but damn! I hate that we live in such a cynical world, because I desperately want that to be her authentic self, but there is a tiny shred of question.

Judges Votes: Howie's Golden Buzzer

My Vote: Y

"America's Got Talent" continues Tuesday nights at 8 p.m. ET.