"Here I am, f--king the same crying ass bitch Ronnie," he says during a total breakdown.
Thursday's "Jersey Shore: Family Vacation" was packed with drama -- and although the bulk of the beef was between Jenni "JWoww" Farley and Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, the latter did not end up getting punched in the face...again.
Mike's longtime girlfriend, Lauren Pesce, was coming to visit, and Mike was planning on popping the question. Jenni took it upon herself to help make the occasion as beautiful as possible because she'd "never allow Lauren to have a regular proposal because she's been through so much with Mike and deserves something like this."
As she helped design the ring and plan who would do what when Mike popped the question, Jenni began to feel that he was either being lazy or unappreciative or both. She didn't punch him in the face like she did the last time the "Jersey Shore" cast was in Miami, but she wanted to. She really wanted to.
"Ever since the Bahamas, there's some weird tension between Jenni and Mike," Pauly D said on Thursday's episode. "And I don't really exactly know what that is, but I do know that you don't wanna be on Jenni's bad side."
A little birdie just told @JENNIWOWW that Mike’s proposal isn’t the only plan he has for this vacation… and she’s not happy about it 😰 #JSFamilyVacation is brand new TONIGHT at 8/7c on @MTV! pic.twitter.com/l3pCoBEW7m— Jersey Shore (@JerseyShore) June 14, 2018
Mike's aggravation with Jenni's aggravation got so intense that he told the guys he was planning on throwing a pie in her face.
"If Mike tries to prank Jenni, it's because he wants to die before jail time," Ronnie Ortiz-Magro joked.
On the way to a group dinner, Ronnie -- who was admittedly "jealous" of Mike's happy relationship and still salty about the whole French fry ordeal -- decided to spill Mike's pie plan to Jenni. She was pissed, but tried to collect herself before meeting up with the rest of the gang at the restaurant.
"I'm about to ruin someone's proposal!" Jenni said out loud at the table as she writhed in anger. "Remember who's holding onto the ring!"
Thankfully, Deena escorted Lauren outside so Jenni could "squash her beef with Mike" -- a.k.a. rip him a new one.
"I don't want to make tomorrow happen now because I feel insulted!" Jenni yelled at Mike, among a slew of other things. Mike eventually apologized and acknowledged he had messed up, and the two hugged it out.
But the dramz didn't end there!
Per usual, Ron-Ron was all up in his feelings after chatting with Vinny Guadagnino's mom about marriage. During the conversation, Ronnie admitted he "moved to Vegas" for his then-pregnant girlfriend, Jen Harley. "Literally, about a week or two after being there, she's like, 'I'm pregnant,'" he said.
Ronnie then confided in Jenni, Nicole and Deena about something he had been bottling up since they first started their Miami vacation.
"I'm just more worried about me and Jen, to be honest with you," Ronnie said in a solemn voice. "I don't know where we stand. I mean, we're together. I wanna be with her, I love her, I just don't know where her heart is."
"Did you talk to her at all?" Jenni asked.
"I mean, obviously she's gonna say I love you and I wanna be with you, but it's like, truthfully, I just don't trust her," he blurted out. "So I'm worried about what happens after the baby."
"Like you're nervous she's going to cheat on you?" Deena asked. "Yeah," Ronnie replied.
"Because she did before?" Nicole asked. "Yeah," he said. The girls were shocked.
"We're good right now, you know? But I don't know if it's because she's pregnant," Ron said, adding that he was scared she'd "go back to her old ways" after giving birth.
It wasn't until the last couple minutes of the episode that Ronnie had a complete mental breakdown in the confessional.
"After talking to Vinny's mom and seeing the happiness that Mike has, I'm realizing I have to reevaluate my life and myself and my relationship," he said tearfully. "I want a family, I wanna be happy, I wanna be in Mike's shoes, I wanna propose. I wanna have that feeling of more than just, 'Oh, we're together and we're gonna have a kid.' I want more than that. Everyone else goes and they f--king live their lives and they're f--king happy, but I don't have all the shit they have. It's just me."
"Who the f--k's the right person at this point? I was with a girl for 8 years, and it didn't work out," he added, referencing his "Jersey" ex, Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola. "Now, I got a girl pregnant after a year. It's probably not gonna work out, so what's the good? What is it? Please tell me. I f--cking have no idea. I don't know. I'm doing my best to try to make it work, but it's not. Here I am, f--king the same crying ass bitch Ronnie, in the same f--king place, in the same f--king house. It's hard. It's really f--king hard."
"Jersey Shore: Family Vacation" Season 1 finale airs Thursday, June 21 at 8 p.m. on MTV.