"I think it makes me feel like I'm going to be forever a wife -- like someone's wife -- like I'm not going to be Nicole or Nikki," she said to her therapist. "Even with work I've started to turn into John's fiance, not just Nikki."
"And some of me is like, 'Why did I want marriage so bad?' It's like why am I even doing this?," she continued. "Because I don't know how much longer I can go without actually probably having a big meltdown and I don't want to go Britney."
Now that she's got the man of her dreams giving her the future she's always dreamed of, she's afraid of them growing apart once they tie the knot.
"Growing apart is, I think, my biggest fear because he's doing so amazing in his career and I couldn't be like more proud of him and I will never say like, 'Don't book this next job, like we need time for us,' because I just never want to let him down."
"I want him to live the life he wants," she said. "And I think that's why I've always sacrificed for him. I love taking care of people, but I think I'm just so overpleasing."
Throughout the episode, Nikki seemed to be feeling the pressure of wedding planning and the idea of getting married in general.
After John told Nikki that he was willing to get a reverse vasectomy in order to get her preggers, it was time to celebrate. Nikki shared the good news with her sister Brie Bella and their mom Kathy, and Nikki was still just as shocked as they were.
"Can you believe he's going to give me a baby?" Nikki asked her sister. "And then I was like, 'Do I want to wait a year? Or maybe two?'"
"I can't even f--king believe it," Brie replied. "Get pregnant with me, on my second."
"I just can't believe I get to be a mom," Nikki said. "And with the man of my dreams. I don't have to go find some guy to have a baby with."
But Nikki, clearly, was still having some trouble wrapping her head around it.
"I feel like I'm still trying to process that John and I are back on," Nikki said in a confessional. "And now I have to get back into wedding planning mode and since we want to keep our same date, I am very behind."
Brie and Nikki's mom Kathy opened up to Brie that she was a little sad that she wasn't chosen to walk her down the aisle years ago, so Brie brought this up to her sister in the discussion of her decision.
Nikki explained that she was still deciding between their mom, their dad Joe (who walked Brie down the aisle), or their brother J.J.
"I'm just saying it would make mom super happy," Brie pointed out. "I think it would make her life."
"It's my wedding though, right?" Nikki snapped back. "Here's the one that keeps telling me, 'This wedding's about you.'"
"This is a really big decision, and for me, it's a very emotional decision," she said in a confessional. "To think of the relationship I have with my father and other male relationships I have, I just feel so confused. There's part of me that wants to get married and there's a part of me that just wants to be alone."
But Nikki explained how she wants this wedding to be on her terms, not anyone elses.
"I just feel like this wedding turns into what everyone else wants but me," Nikki told her sister. "I don't want this whole thing to turn into like, 'Who's going to walk Nicole down the aisle?' As if it's like some game show."
Things got more awkward when Nikki asked Kathy's husband, Johnny, to see how her mother really felt about the situation and then he interpreted it as she wanted him to walk her down the aisle.
Everyone had an opinion, too. J.J. told his sister he wanted to walk her down the aisle, Brie suggested their dad or mom, and then John said he wanted Brie to do the honors. Instead of picking one of those options, she turned them all down.
"I'm going to walk myself down the aisle," she declared to her family. "To me it feels very empowering for myself."