'Big Brother' Premiere Blowout: The Girls Chase a Virgin, Houseguest Becomes a Robot And We're Ready to Pick a Winner

Boy there were a lot of those on display in this two-hour premiere. Lots of abs, lots of bros and lots of hot young people checking out other hot young people. Wait, this isn't "Bachelor in Paradise" ... is it? At least it's all new hot, young faces. We're holding Julie Chen to her word that there will be no returning players for this milestone 20th season.

We certainly hope not, anyway, as we've already made our pick as to who's going to win the whole thing. Read on to find out!

Veterans have run rampant through this game in previous seasons, and while it's fun to see how they can inexplicably ride their fame to the finale time and time again, it gets a little boring, too. How refreshing it was to see sixteen new faces and personalities with no one fawning over or sucking up to or plotting against some "Big Brother" celebrity. Instead, it was all about new people mistrusting one another, as it should be!

We're going to run this season like you'd run a department store. Each product, or celebrity, may have come in with equal value, but pretty quickly you start to see that certain ones aren't working. First, you try discounting them to see if they can turn things around and become solid performers again. But if that doesn't work, it's time to put them on clearance so you can sell them out (the door). With that said, let's take a look at our inventory, ranked from our strongest performer to our weakest ... after we spotlight some wonderful items in stock.

We haven't really had a chance to watch anything play out, but if nothing else, there is a flirt-mance on the horizon, if Faysal and Haleigh ever compare notes. Immediately, he was drawn to the 21-year-old college student. In a sea of beautiful women, she was the one who stood out to the substitute teacher, and he even went so far as to hope she noticed him, too.

"I would be that guy's teacher's pet any day," Haleigh said in a confessional. So that attraction is mutual and it can only be a matter of time before they figure it out and start to form a bond. If it doesn't blow up for personality reasons, romantic alliances have done very well -- again inexplicably -- in recent seasons, so that could be to their benefit.

Can we talk about this, though? What happened to "Big Brother" contestants that they are so stupid they just let power couples stroll through the game. "Ride or die" has become a badge of honor in recent seasons, with mad respect paid to people who stay loyal from Day One. Now, we're all for loyalty, but it's the brazen openness of these alliances that makes no sense. That used to be the kiss of death.

Angela may have lost the final round of the competition to Swaggy C, but she actually wound up in a better position in the house. When he went back on his word and didn't protect her, the house saw that as a mark against him, which somehow became a mark for her. On top of that, this house is full of alpha competitors who totally respect how well she hung in there for that competition. No one would send her home first.

Scottie is among those declared safe for the week, but even more importantly for his social game, he endeared himself to all the women in the house when he revealed he'd never been kissed or even on a date before. Vegas dancer Rachel literally chased him around the house screaming to the other girls, "We have to go kiss him!" If nothing else, this will buy him some good will with the girls when there are so few reasons to send someone home this early.

Brett, Faysal, Haleigh, Rachel and Rockstar were all chosen to be safe, but none of them have really done enough yet to really stand out from the crowd one way or the other. We're not ready yet to declare them floaters, and certainly Rachel chasing Scottie through the house shows some personality, but there are advantages to lying lower in the first few weeks when there are so many people in the house.

Kaycee was declared safe, but she's at a distinct advantage for such a pivotal stage in the game. Because she came in last during her half of the competition, she was forced into a rainbow-colored unitard and further has to stay in the room she's in when the dial around her neck starts spinning, and can't leave until it stops. This could trap her anywhere from the Diary Room to the toilet, which can seriously cramp her social game.

Swaggy C did what he set out to do, dominating the first round of competitions and securing safety for himself. To complete the hat trick, though, he needs to nail down Head of Household and Power of Veto as well, so there's plenty of work to do. Winning put him in a tough spot, though, as he got to choose half the house to keep safe, which inevitably pisses off the other half. Now, he's got people saying he made a mistake and got blood on his hands. Time will tell if this was a fatal mistake.

Sam also lost in the competition, but is in a slightly worse position as she's not safe this week. She is, however, a robot ... literally. For her punishment, Sam is manning a rolling robot with a smiling face and that's how she has to interact with the house. Luckily, her personality is absolutely adorable and she's already made a fast friend in JC, so that should keep her secure at least through this first week. Plus, no one wants to be the one to send the robot packing.

JC is a little guy with a big personality, and so far everyone is absolutely adoring him. He's a strong physical competitor, but more importantly, he's killing it with kindness so far and has a great personality. If he weren't gay, he and Sam would probably already be in the cutest Houseguest romance in "Big Brother" history. We'll just have to settle for a platonic showmance. With him not safe this week, his personality should carry him through.

Tyler and Winston fall into that same category of just not standing out in any significant way in the house. And with neither of them declared safe by Swaggy C, this immediately puts at least a small target on them. Tyler might have the slight edge, as the goofy lifeguard at least has some charm and is memorable because of his hair. Poor Winston has just been bland sauce so far.

Bayleigh has been called out directly by Swaggy C as his closest friend and "sister" in the house, and then he didn't mark her safe for the week. It's a little early to be declaring a "ride or die," and with him proving himself a potential competition beast and safe this week, he may have accidentally painted a target on Bayleigh's back. Granted, she wanted to work with him as well, but maybe a little more on the down low.

Kaitlyn and Steve aren't "sold out" of the "Big Brother" house quite yet, but the first eviction is almost always about petty and small things. Kaitlyn has been laying it on a bit thick with the chakras and orbs and energy and it's been off-putting to some of the Houseguests, and just weird for others. As for Sam, this undercover cop may be saying he's a mechanic in the house, but his intense stares have already gotten the attention of Tyler and we've seen people get the boot with that little to go on before. On top of that, at 40-years old, he's the oldest by six years in the house, and it's always a challenge to connect with that younger energy socially.

After just one night of "Big Brother," there is no way we should be making a prediction, but we're going to anyway because who's going to stop us? For the Final Four, we predict Sam, Scottie, Angela and Faysal, with Scottie pulling out a win for the "dweebs." Unlikely? You bet it is.

• "JC, he's cuter than a bug's ear. He is absolutely cute as a button. And he already made it know that he's part of the LGBGT community so I guess I'm just gonna have to sit this one out. But he's mighty stinking cute." --Sam

• "I know I have an accent, but I think Sam really has an accent. When Sam's talking I have no idea what she's saying." --JC

• "That sounds sexual and violent and I want no part of it right now. -- Winston (has no idea what chakras are)

• "Scottie, your energy is my favorite. Absolutely my favorite." --Kaitlyn

• "You're gonna get tired of it." --Scottie

• "I don't know about Rachel. She has a red aura. And everyone knows that red auras create the most friction." --Kaitlyn

• "Yo, how you gonna put all these gorgeous girls in the house. I'm trying to win some money and you're just gonna distract me like that?" --Tyler

• "I'd give mouth to mouth to these girls if they need it. Any single one." --Tyler

• "As you know, technology has taken over the world. And this summer, it's taking over the game." --Julie

• "Somebody's a robot." --Rockstar (if only she knew how prescient she was)

• "What I know about technology could fill a thimble. I'm sweating like a nun in a cucumber patch." --Sam (is that an expression?)

• "I did. That's why I'm in the house. --Swaggy (getting a little cocky when asked who won the competition)

• "Okay then. Can you not be so intense. Congratrs." --Bayleigh

• "Shut up, peanut gallery." --Angela (trying to concentrate in the final round of the competition)

• "You can literally see their legs like catching on fire. Maybe not literally." --Tyler (thanks for clearing that up)

• "Maybe I should have finished last. I am super-jelly of that whole outfit." --Rockstar (loving Kaycee's rainbow-colored punishment unitard)

• "Listen, I blew out green shot." --Bayleigh
• "Uh, my snot's always green." --Winston (thanks, buddy)

"Big Brother" airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET, Thursdays at 9 p.m. ET and Sundays at 8 p.m. ET.