The men have told all they're allowed to tell for "The Bachelorette," which means it's time for the steamiest part of the summer with "Bachelor in Paradise," and ABC wasted no time dropping a trailer for the sudsy, sexy, salacious spinoff, and this season looks insane!
Right off, we couldn't help but notice that Colton Underwood and Tia Booth seem destined to only fall for one another so long as there is another person in the picture. After revealing to Becca Kufrin on this season of "The Bachelorette" that he had previously dated one of Arie Luyendyk's castoffs in Tia, he finds himself vying with one of Becca's scraps, Chris Randone, for Tia's affection.
"Tia's put the Colton situation behind her and I keep falling more in love with her every day," Chris says in the clip, but has she really? That wouldn't make for very good drama, so would she at least be willing to fake it for the cameras?
"All I wanted was another chance," an openly weeping Colton is seen saying at another point, so it's going to be that kind of season. You know what, though, we'll take it. It could be like last season. People throwing drinks, laughing evil laughs and so much ugly crying looks like a walk in the park compared to sexual allegations that shut down production.
Oh, and don't worry, these guys and gals are going to be keeping things classy as only "BiP" can do. Check out some of these actual lines from the trailer.
"I'm pretty sure I've got a pair of testicles and the prettiest girl in paradise around my arm."
"Good luck with grocery store bitch over there."
"First I'm a Russian hooker, then I'm European trash and now I'm a witch!"
But perhaps the funniest line is when they said, "All of your favorite Bachelors and Bachelorettes," while showing a picture of Arie ... in a cowboy hat. Um, no thanks!
So yeah, it's gonna be bonkers. But hopefully not shut-down-production-for-two-weeks over sexual misconduct allegations bonkers. We're good without any of that drama. But we are here for all of these beautiful people making each other ugly cry at the drop of a coconut.
"Bachelor in Paradise" premieres Tuesday, Aug. 7 at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.