It's arguably the best episode of the season -- after the home dates, let's be real -- where all the men who didn't make the cut for Becca Kufrin's heart start slinging insults at each other, getting real, and telling all (Get it? Because that's what the episode's called!) to a hard-working, man-child wranglin' Chris Harrison!
Whoa. We have a lot to talk about! Let's talk about all the Red Flags that popped up that solidify Becc's decision to boot all these bros to the curb!
Sometimes it feels like this show actually wants all these dudes to fight, right? Are we crazy?
Nope! Chris Harrison kicked off the night with a recap/video edited to show some of the most contentious moments of an entirely contentious season, and boy did it recharge the animosity these guys have for each other.
After the clips, Harrison immediately zeroed in on Chris (the suitor) and his wild emotions, asking Leo just what the heck happened and Leo laid it out: Becca didn't have time to meet up with Chris on a date in Vegas, and Chris lost his f---king mind over it.
And guess what! Chris admitted that he lost control, and gave what seemed like a level-headed response. But here's the thing: he knows exactly what he looked like during his meltdown, and his owning of it felt like damage control for his own reputation, not that he actually believed what he was saying!
Chris Harrison then wasted no time going for the throat! He point-blank asked Jean Blanc about telling Becca he was falling in love with her...and then immediately taking it back.
Before he could even respond, Colton laid into Jean Blanc, and it was vicious. But Jean-Blanc dropped a major but-you're-a-virgin burn right back at him. Honestly, it was a bit uncalled for. Then, Jean Blanc just immediately jumped in to explaining the night he got kicked off the show: he said he felt like he was going 100 miles per hour and got swept up, and that he truly was falling for her.
Luckily Jason, the most recent "beau that had to go" (feel free to use that, dear readers) from last week, spoke up and said that love is powerful and not to be used as a tool when you're just in need of a tool, and that Jean-Blanc owed the cast -- and Becca -- an apology.
The crowd loved it. Will Jason be the next Bachelor? We hope not! We're pulling for a #huskybachelor to cleanse the palate of abs.
And we're not entirely sure he's not an alien made entirely out of an actual, physical manifestation of vanity, but Jordan at times make zero sense. And honestly, we're starting to love the things he says.
Don't get us wrong: We can't stand him as a person, but if we can be entertained by someone spouting nonsense, well then OK. Like when he tried to confront Colton about Tia during the Tell All, insinuating that if Colton had truly ended things with Tia then Tia wouldn't have still had feelings for him, leading to him getting the axe.
Colton just responded with a flabbergasted statement about not being in control of Tia and that Jordan made no sense, and that's more of a question for her than it was for him. Jordan was unphased by this, because he's an imaginary creature made out of distilled narcissism brought into real life existence.
Also, props to Leo for calling Jordan a "modern-day narcissist." Right on the money.
David And Jordan Clash Again, Like They Will Until The End Of Time
Just like the upcoming season of "Bachelor In Paradise" (which seems to have most of the guys who were sent packing this season of the "Bachelorette," including David and Jordan), the producers of these shows really do know they've got a good thing when they see it, and then they promptly beat it right into the ground. Of COURSE Jordan and David were at each other's throats again, because that's how they were designed -- perfectly casted to be enemies until the very end.
David said that the thing that got under his skin about Jordan was that he didn't take the process seriously (a television show where one person dates a bunch of people all at the same time), to which Jordan responded that Colton was a "hologram" of a man and a David was a "skeleton" of a man, and they were just upset that Jordan was nothing but himself and will always be himself, unapologetically. We believe him.
David went on to say that he himself was nothing but honest about Jordan to Becca, and some dude with blonde hair that we feel like we've never seen before stopped him right there and said it felt like David was there not for Becca, but for Jordan, because Jordan's name came out of his mouth way more than Becca's ever did.
Hell yes, blonde contestant that made so little impact on us that we don't know your name!
Jason, the voice of reason and obviously being positioned to be the next Bachelor, spoke up and called David out for what he was: a bully. Even though we thought Jordan was absurd and annoying beyond belief, almost every argument was started by David's antagonizing. Jason's right, 100%.
David took this in stride, though, agreed, and said he took it all too far, and that his hindsight was 20/20.
We don't mean he said that Jordan's job was Jordan's hobby, but that one of the gentlemen that left very early on (this is why we have no idea what his name is (we later found out it's Christian) brought up that he was a banker by trade, and did Jordan's job (modeling) as a hobby, and that his job as a banker was REAL compared to it.
Jordan squared up like he was going to fight him.
It didn't happen, but they did trade some insults on what each other were wearing.
Chris Harrison then gave Jordan the final word, which Jordan used to insult everyone -- then just to say "what's up" to Grocery Joe.
Jeez, is this the Jordan show? It really feels like it. This is the last we'll say about him unless something super juicy goes down. Jordan was the first to get into Chris Harrison's "hot seat," which was probably what he called the bean bag chair he had in college. After a montage of Jordan's finest moments, we're left with this:
Jordan is unapologetically Jordan, and he had a great time, and doesn't give a f--k what the other dudes have to say.
He isn't wrong.
Oh, and he was wearing the golden underwear the whole time! And yes, he proved it -- and in doing so, proved all the other guys were right about him not taking anything seriously.
Grocery Joe (he owns a grocery store) was sent home the very first night, and the Bachelorette Nation went into an uproar -- making him into a "Bachelorette" legend. Maybe he'll be the next Bachelor? Who knows!
Anyway, Chris Harrison sat him down for a chat, and showed him a recap of his time on the show. It lasted like 10 seconds, ha!
There really is something charming about him and how he talks about it all. His time there went from what he thought would be the most embarrassing moment of his life to one of the best with how much he's been supported.
He's a man of few words, but those words count!
Also, he's going to be on "Bachelor In Paradise." Those producers sure know what they're doing!
The most interesting thing about Colton, other than his love triangle between Tia (Becca's best friend) and Becca, is that he admitted to the dozens of people still watching this show (don't get upset, we're one of the lucky few!) that he had never in his entire life had sex with another person.
And the show, of course, ran with it. So yeah, Chris asked him about it again. (Side note: Colton also mentioned something about "red flags!" Heyooo, thanks for the shouts, Colton.)
Anyway, the virgin thing.
Colton said he knows Becca "caught some heat" for leaving the table, and tried to swing it as Becca just respecting him and taking time to collect her thoughts before continuing the conversation. Nah, bro, that shit was either:
Calculated by producers, because nothing is real and everything on TV is a lie; or
Becca handling it poorly.
Even Chris Harrison chimed in and added his two cents and confirmed that Becca "respected" it very much! They must not have been expecting everyone to see it as shitty, which, spoiler alert: it was. We like Becca, but we did not like that moment.
Colton then got real about the cheap shots people have been making at him -- including the one from Jean Blanc earlier -- and it broke him down and said it made him feel like less of a man.
Dude, Colton, it's like we said: experience does mean something sometimes to some people, but your red flag wasn't because you were a virgin... it was how Becca handled it. Getting let go from the show might have been the best thing for you.
Jason's Hair Did Not Melt Under The Hot Studio Lights
Jason, man. Come on with the hair! What's in it? What chemical has been discovered to allow for such a hold? Has the cast of "Grease" on Broadway reached out for your secrets?
We kid, we kid. Jason seems nice, and the hair stuff is just in jest because we can't find much wrong with him beyond "he's not Garrett," you know? We're not positive he's entertaining enough to be the next Bachelor, but we suppose we wouldn't HATE IT.
Anywho, Jason is the freshest victim of Becca's relentless hunt for love, so he got the spotlight.
After an eloquent breakdown of how he felt about what happened with Becca, Jason ended his thoughts with wanting to be friends with Becca someday down the road, because there would always be a special place in his heart for her. We believe him -- it was the most sincere moment of the night.
And right away, as soon as Becca walked out, Jason asked her what possibly he could change when looking for love again someday, to make sure his actions matched his true level of feelings and things wouldn't end up the same way it did with her.
Becca, of course, said she wouldn't tell him to ever change, and that he was everything she could have ever wanted from a man, but something wasn't right inside of her heart. Jason accepted this, and followed through with telling her he hoped for her happiness, and her friendship outside of this!
It was adorable.
Colton also took the high road, and said he was happy to see her happy!
Becca then spent some time defending Tia (who got heat for admitting she still had feelings for Colton, and Becca sending him home in the same episode), and then spent some time defending herself for how she handled Colton's virginity revelation. She said that she had "dated a virgin" in the past so it was never a make or break thing, but she didn't say when she dated that virgin, they could have been in high school for all we know and it would make sense at that age.
Look, how she handled it just doesn't sit well with us. People are allowed to make mistakes, though, and we truly do like Becca, so we just wish she had owned up to it (or tell us it was the producers' idea) instead of trying to defend it.
Later, Wills asked her what went wrong with THEIR relationship, and she just said it didn't go wrong, she was just being pulled in a different direction by her heart. That's fine. Moving on.
Jean Blanc then asked to come up and approach her, and everyone was like, uhhhh probably not, except Becca was like "yeah, sure!" So up he went. Here's what happened.
He said he regretted how he left, and realized he was going too fast, and he apologized to her... and then gave her ANOTHER BOTTLE OF PERFUME. And that was the craziest thing to happen with Jean Blanc. Kind of a whimper.
Chris -- not Harrison, but the suitor -- got the final word. He apologized for how he acted (entitled) and brought out the choir from the first episode to sing about how much of a jerk he was. We didn't buy it, and we feel like we already saw the true him when he was throwing a hissy fit earlier in the season.
Honestly, all these dudes have their red flags and Becca made the right choice to get rid of them, but they also (for the most part) kept it together when interacting with her during the Tell All... and that was nice to see.
They were still dicks to each other, though, so that'll always be a red flag.
The only one of them that wouldn't get a red flag, though, is Jason. He's eloquent, kind, and who knows -- maybe he'll be the next Bachelor.