"You will vote, or I will find you," says Stephen Colbert before the thought of Democrats losing another election makes him turn to the bottle.
'Twas the night before Midterms, when all thro' the house, televisions were blaring, with please to vote from late-night host's mouths.
Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, James Corden, Jimmy Fallon and Trevor Noah were all about encouraging Americans to hit the polls today on Monday night, with each taking a unique approach to the subject on Election Eve.
Kimmel took the most positive approach, arguing Americans actually aren't as divided as we think, so in the spirit of unity -- which President Donald Trump recently said he'd like to start inspiring "eventually" (LOL!) -- let's start there.
'Jimmy Kimmel Live'
The ABC late-night host ditched jokes in favor of polls showing Americans are not actually that divided.
In this election in particular, you've been hearing a lot about how hopelessly divided America is. But are we really?" he asked. "Let's take a look."
If his statistics are accurate, he's got a good point. Watch the video above to see Kimmel's argument.
'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert'
"You will vote, or I will find you," Colbert jokingly threatened his viewers before reminding them that his show will be airing live on Tuesday night.
"Join me tomorrow night for either a brief celebratory drink or one very long, sad boof," Colbert joked, referencing a slang term that emerged from Brett Kavanaugh's testimony about his days as a wild partier in high school and college. (Remember, remember, on this 6th of November, Kavanaugh claimed boofing means farting, but we all know it means butt chugging booze!)
He then had to take a drink himself while getting stressed out over Democrats, like House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, being "alarmingly confident" that Democrats will take the majority in both the Senate and House of Representatives. Clearly, Colbert is still uneasy about any kind of prognostication about election results after polls heavily favored Hillary Clinton to beat Donald Trump in the 2016 presidential election.
He joked the Democrats were changing their mascot from a donkey to a cursed monkey's paw.
President Trump has been busy rallying his supporters to vote Republican in the Midterms, but Colbert did notice at one rally, he admitted losing is a possibility. "Could happen, and you know what you do? My whole life, you know what I say? Don't worry about, I'll figure it out. Does that make sense," Trump asked his fans.
Colbert's response: "No, it doesn't make sense. Nothing you've said over the last two years make sense. You don't figure anything out. You're the leader of the free world and you can't figure out how to close an umbrella."
'The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon'
Fallon used goats to encourage his viewers to get out and vote, simply because -- as far as we can tell -- goat rhymes with vote. It's hard to explain in words, so you're better off just watching the video above if you're curious. It's super dumb, but amusing, nonetheless.
He did drop a good Trump zinger, though. "Before tomorrow's elections, President Trump held three different rallies today. He was in Missouri, Ohio and Indiana. By the end, Trump was so tired he accidentally pronounced every word right."
'The Late Late Show with James Corden'
"I'm not a United States citizen, so I can't participate, I can't vote," the CBS late-night host said in his monologue centered on politics. "But I will be doing my part: I'll be angrily judging all the people who didn't vote."
While noting the record turnout for early voting, in states where that is possible, Corden joked, "Most of them have been ready to vote since November 9, 2016."
"Florida has seen a huge increase in young voters, although to be fair, in Florida, a young voter is anyone under 75," he joked.
He also snuck in a jab at Trump after the president told Axios he disagrees with a recent government report about climate change, even though he admitted he hasn't actually seen the report.
"He hasn't seen it, knows very little about it, but he's still firmly against it. That's exactly how I feel about CrossFit," Corden joked. "At least fake that you saw the climate report. I fake seeing stuff every single night on this show. It's easy. 'Hey Jon Hamm, I love your TV show -- I mean, movie -- you were great!'"
'The Daily Show'
The Comedy Central star celebrated Election Eve by analyzing the flood of celebrities either endorsing candidates or encouraging their fans to vote. In particular, he marveled at Oprah Winfrey going door to door in Georgia to campaign for African-American democratic gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams.
"Damn! Oprah coming to your door and asking for your vote. It has to be the most effective thing ever," Noah said. "Seriously, like if Oprah showed up at my house and asked me to do anything, you better believe I’m doing it. And I’m talking anything. If she was like, 'I need you to hide this dead body,' I’d be like, 'Wow, I get to hide a dead body for Oprah!'"
He did throw out one major flaw: "If I knew that Oprah might show up at my house, I’m staying home all day. Yeah, I’m not going to leave to vote in case I miss Oprah."
"You know what they should do if they want people to go vote?" he suggested. "They need Oprah to hide in one random voting booth somewhere in America. And then when someone comes up, just pop out like, 'It’s me, Opraaaaaaaaaah!'"
Noah did warn that if Democrats fail to flip the majority in the House or Senate, Trump will take that as a high five from the American people and will "get even Trumpier."
"You thought that tie was too long before? We're going ankle length," Noah joked. "And also concentration camps."