Ellen DeGeneres dedicates the entire hour of her show Thursday to the former First Lady, helping her at a book signing and playing a round of "Burning Questions."
The hour was filled with plenty of discussion between the two women, with breaking down a couple of hilarious stories from her time at the White House, including one that had Barack declaring that running for a second term was worth it just for this moment.
On top of that, she shared her spot-on Barack Obama impression and made plans with Ellen that we desperately want to see actually happen. This could be the next great travel series; that's all we're saying! And we know Michelle could survive it after what she endured here.
Michelle proved that she has the patience of a saint, dealing with Ellen's shenanigans throughout the entire hour, but nowhere was she more taxed than when they went to Costco for a book signing.
Ellen was like a toddler at Costco, shouting out whatever came into her mind and running around the store to bring back embarrassing things like Preparation H and toilet paper.
When Michelle was asking people how to spell their name, Ellen pulled the classic schtick of shouting out letters to make it even more complicated. She brought copies of her own book to sign, signed Michelle's book and even snuck in booze.
Did we mention she did all of this on a bullhorn?
Prom with Guns
It was all about Malia's prom, where she begged her parents to let her date pick her up at the White House. "I told Malia make sure his car is ‘clean,’ if you know what I mean," Michelle said.
"Because dogs sniff the car. I said I don’t want him to be embarrassed. So I said, I don’t know the kid, but you know, he’s picking up at a different house."
After navigating those hurdles, Michelle recalls the young couple driving off only to be immediately followed by their security regimen for the night. "It’s like them and then three cars with men with guns. And Barack was like, this makes running for a second term all worthwhile," she laughed.
"My daughter is being followed by men with guns to prom. He’s like, 'I’m good.'"
Ellen then stepped up for all of America when she asked one of the morning's hardest hitting questions. She set it up by clarifying that Michelle had been to three inaugurations to this point. "Two of ours, and one of someone else’s," Michelle said, certainly not throwing just a tiny hint of shade there.
"You had pretty good seats at all of those," Ellen said. "Who had a bigger crowd? Could you tell?"
Well, Michelle took the diplomatic approach, but her smile said everything. And then she added, "I could tell, yeah." So could everyone else.
If size matters, than her man's got it.
The Great Escape
Michelle's next memory was of the night that marriage equality was passed. The Obamas lit up the White House in the colors of the gay pride flag, but Michelle wanted to be out on the streets, in the moment, with the thousands who'd flocked to the Capitol to celebrate.
It turns out it's not so easy to get out of the White House once you're inside, though she and daughter Malia made a game out of it. Michelle detailed their night-time flight down the stairs toward freedom. They hit their first speed bump when an agent spotted them at the elevator.
"I’m like, dang, they know we’re moving. It’s like, 'Let’s not take the elevator. Come on, you and me, go down the stairs.' So we rush down the stairs and you can see the agent thinking, why are they running? And he doesn’t quite know what to do, so he starts following us. I was like, 'Run faster, run faster.'"
It turns out that security and the White House usher had good reason to not want Michelle and Malia going out at that moment, which Michelle hilariously recalls in the clip above. Even better, they were ultimately able to discreetly join the celebrations and share that momentous occasion together as mother and daughter.
Finally, Ellen strapped Michelle down for a game of "Burning Questions" where she got to dig into serious topics like who Michelle's first celebrity crush was and what she does to make her kids laugh. The first was Jermaine Jackson, because "I was into the older men," Michelle explained. "I think I was seven."
As for the kids, Michelle said she gets them with her impression of their father. She also treated Ellen and her audience with her rock-solid Barack impression before Ellen gave it a try. That ... did not go so well.
But the part that got us the most excited was this proposed idea of Ellen and Michelle going on a road trip together. Both women seemed game, but Ellen is game for anything and everything. But we are here to tell both of them: Make. This. Happen.
You have no idea just how huge this could be, and the whole trip could be chronicled live via social media, turned into a limited event series and be charity driven. After watching the two of them for just this one hour, we're pretty sure America would love to see their antics across the nation.
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