Mel B Details Taking 200 Painkillers in Attempted Suicide, After Feeling 'Emotionally Battered' In Her Marriage
24 Stars Who've Been Vocal About Anxiety, Depression and Mental Illness

"I lay semi-conscious on the bathroom floor and, with tears streaming down my face, drifting in and out of consciousness, waited to die," she recalls in her tell-all book.

Mel B has revealed she tried to commit suicide by taking "nearly 200 aspirin" during her turbulent marriage to now ex-husband Stephen Belafonte.

In an excerpt from her new memoir "Brutally Honest", published by The Sun, Mel recounts the moment she attempted to take her own life in December 2014 -- days before the finale of "The X Factor U.K."

"My life is a mess and I want out," she wrote. "Behind the glitter of fame, I felt emotionally battered, estranged from my family."

"I felt ugly and detested by the man who once promised to love and protect me, my husband and manager Stephen," she continued. "A man who after ten years of marriage now had a library of sex tapes that could -- as we both well knew -- ruin my career and destroy my family."

The "Spice Girls" member recalled how she wrote "frantic, disjointed notes" for Phoenix, her eldest daughter and "soulmate." However, after she took the "two hundred" pills, Mel B realized she didn't want to die.

"Two hundred. 'Now what's going to happen, Melanie? STOP!' As soon as I'd swallowed that last pill, I knew I didn't want to go anywhere," she said, "'Melanie! What the f---k are you doing? Get a grip!' Suicide was not the answer. I had to make my life count. I had to get to a hospital. I had to get those pills out of my stomach before anything happened."

The singer added that she remembers "throwing" herself at the door to get out of the room that she was in. Mel B said that the bruises on her face and body that "everyone saw" during the "The X Factor" finale three days later were caused by the "moments" when she was "trapped in that doorway."

"I can't remember the pain but I can still remember the fear, panic and absolute confusion in my head," she said. "Then everything started to go black and I collapsed to my knees. I could feel the life in me starting to drain away. And then nothing, silence. I lay semi-conscious on the bathroom floor and, with tears streaming down my face, drifting in and out of consciousness, waited to die."

The Brit wrote that she remembers waking up in the hospital and calling Simon Cowell. The "American Idol" judge, Mel B recalled, "didn't sound horrified," but was "calm."

Despite the doctor's orders, Mel B was determined to attend the "X Factor" finale and to show off her bruises.

"As my doctor walked out of the room, I texted my stylist: 'Send me pix of all the dresses you've got me for the final tonight,'" she recalled. "I had bruises round my eyes, my cheek was swollen, and I had massive dark welts on my arms from the constant stabbing at my weak, narrow veins with the IV drips."

"The bruises were still visible as I put on a beautiful, long white silk dress...," she continued. "I would stand proud in this stunning white dress, the marks of my agony all over me. I asked for my hair to be pulled right back from my face. I needed to be seen. I needed all those bruises to be seen."

Mel B said that she utilized the moment to relay a "VERY CLEAR" message to Belafonte.

"I wanted people out there watching to be my witnesses," she said. "I took off my vast, square-cut diamond wedding ring. A ring I'd worn on 'The X Factor' a few weeks before to show the world what a solid couple Stephen and I were... [I] lifted my left hand into the air, directly in the center of the camera focus, knowing the TV audience, the press and, most important of all, Stephen would see my ring-less finger. 'F--k you big time,' I thought.'"

She concluded, "I'm happy I didn't collapse, happy I've done it. I've sent my message to Stephen. There's no going back. I'm going to leave him, get a divorce. I'm going to be free."

After 10 years of marriage, the couple's divorce was finalized last December.

"Brutally Honest" hits bookshelves November 27.

Got a story or a tip for us? Email TooFab editors at

view photos Getty Every Must-See Photo from the 2018 People's Choice Awards

Hot Videos