What It Was Like for Monica Lewinsky's Sex Life to Go Public as She Relives '90s Slut-Shaming

Monica Lewinsky relived some of the worst moments of her life on Tuesday night's conclusion of "The Clinton Affair," a three-night docu-series about Bill Clinton's White House scandal.

While the first two night's revolved around the early days of their relationship, Lewinsky regrettably confiding in Linda Tripp and her first dealings with the FBI, the final two installments covered the intimate details going public, media madness as the scandal exploded and Lewinsky's life after.

The episode began with Clinton's deposition in the Paula Jones case, as he denied sexual relations with Jones, Kathleen Willey and Monica Lewinsky under oath in January 1998. Shortly after, the Drudge Report broke news of the affair, with The Washington Post publishing Lewinsky's name.

"That morning when I opened the apartment door and looked out in the hall ... everybody had more than one newspaper... and there was my name in print," Lewinsky recalled. "And it was the final nail in the coffin about this story cracking open publicly. This was one of those moments where my life would never be the same. The life I had known as a private person was over."

Both Bill and Hillary Clinton denied reports in public, but the media sensation around the story blew up. Bill would famously tell the world, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky," something Lewinsky said stung.

"I was gutted, I felt anger, I was hurt having been called 'that woman,'" she explained. "But at the same time, there was a part of me that was glad he did that. I wanted him to deny it. I didn't want him to lose his job."

Monica's mother, Marcia Lewis, expressed anger toward Clinton for those comments during the special, saying they only prolonged the inevitable and made it worse for her daughter. "Bill Clinton could have said in the beginning what he said anyway in the end, they had an inappropriate relationship," she said. "But instead of saying that, he pretended he didn't know who she was, he pretended he didn't know her name, he denied everything and he left her alone. I cannot understand how he could have done that."

Making matters more frustrating for Lewinsky was the fact that she couldn't speak up for herself. "I knew the truth, but most people didn't," she said, explaining that attorneys kept her hidden from view and out of contact with the outside world.

"It was in this period that this public 'Monica Lewinsky,' who was not me, was beginning to be constructed," she recalled.

As the story built up steam, a former teacher of Lewinsky's -- Andy Bleiler -- said they had a five-year affair. While she admitted they had a relationship, Lewinsky said the press conference Bleiler held -- the night of the State of the Union -- "had very little fact in it" and was filled with "innuendo."

"This was the beginning of the slut shaming, how my sexual past was going to be some part of defining what happened in D.C.," she explained. "I was alleged to say I was going to DC to get my presidential kneepads. I had told Andy about the relationship, but I had never described it that way. I was crushed by the lack of any support in the media. It seemed everything was through partisan eyes and there didn't seem to be too much humanity."

As part of Kenneth Starr's Whitewater investigation, Lewinsky's mother was eventually asked to testify. "When I went to the grand jury ... you know you're there only to intimidate your daughter, in hopes you'll say something that'll help them get her," she remembered. "No parent should be forced to testify against a child, it's inhuman. It's barbaric."

"I saw how broken she was," Lewinsky said of her mom. "She had left having had a breakdown from the emotional weight of being forced to testify against her daughter."

Eventually, Lewinsky struck a deal for immunity and met with independent counsel to discuss her relationship with Clinton. The group, she said, was "very focused on sex, very focused on certain kinds of sex." As part of her deal, she also handed over any evidence she had, including the infamous dress.

Finally, in August, after a blood sample matched the DNA on Lewinsky's dress, Clinton confirmed he "did have a relationship with Miss Lewinsky that was not appropriate," adding that he "misled people, including even my wife."

In only got worse for Lewinsky when, in September of 1998, the full Starr Report dropped online, detailing the sexual encounters between Lewinsky and Clinton in graphic detail for the world to see.

"I had my laptop, I remember waiting as the pages would slowly appear. The more I read, the more mortified I was," Lewinsky remembered. "Reading something that was so mortifying and knowing that everyone else in the world who was connected was reading it at the same time." In addition to feeling "humiliated" for her family, she added that she "felt terrible for Mrs. Clinton" and "felt awful for Chelsea."

What followed was a series of talk show hosts and "Saturday Night Live" skits taking aim at Lewinsky. "It just knifed me," she said of the cruel commentary. "But because I was under legal quarantine, I couldn't even speak for myself ... there was me and then there was this person who was created by the media. It was devastating humiliation, singeing my entire body, it's like a whole other layer of just being burned."

While Lewinsky said she felt really guilty about how the situation affected her family, her mother made sure to add they have nothing but love for her. That being said, they never "condoned" what happened. "We want people to know we are so so sorry for what happened and Monica is so sorry," said Marcia. "She so regrets what she did."

When all was said and done, Clinton would be impeached but acquitted of one count of perjury and one of obstruction of justice. Lewinsky tried to move on with her life, first by starting a handbag company before realizing it "was not fulfilling to me and not working."

She has recently become an anti-bullying activist and contributor to Vanity Fair, reclaiming her history and using it to make what she sees as "positive contributions" to the world.

"I never could have imagined the impact this would have on others, on the presidency, on my life and of course the country," she said, looking back. "Though my life has moved on in ways for which I'm incredibly grateful, I still meet regret every day and it's the consequences for this and the pain that was caused was enormous."