Sunday's "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" opened with Mommy, Scott and Auntie Kourtney talking about how everyone was hating on Mommy because she called Auntie Kourtney "the least interesting to look at" (Auntie Kourt was loving it). Mommy clarified that what she meant was that Auntie Kourtney was the most boring. However, Auntie Kourt insisted that if it weren't for her personality and her humor, the show wouldn't exist. I'm sorry to inform her that 10 years of having to watch her entertain a drunk Scott Disick has been the lowlight of this entire operation. The truth is, I saved the show. Before I came along, the ratings were in the toilet and these girls were selling clothes out of Sears. They owe me.
Later on, DadYe and Mommy talked about going to Paris to support longtime friend Virgil Abloh at his Louis Vuitton fashion show. DadYe said he didn't want to put any pressure on Mommy since it would be her first time going back to Paris since the robbery, but he felt like she should attend the show "for the culture." I'm assuming this is the same culture that keeps asking me when Yeezy is going to get a layaway plan. Mommy took some time to think about, but she eventually decided to go to support DadYe and Virgil.
At Auntie Khloe's house, Kris told Auntie Khloe and Auntie Kendall that she had volunteered the family to play in a poker tournament to raise money for charity. Since no one knew how to play, the family had to take lessons before the tournament. Kris is known for committing us to things without talking to us first. She once booked me for a Go Fish tournament, and I only had 12 hours to learn the game. Thank God the Disick kids knew how to play.
Later, Auntie Kourt visited her doctor to start the process of freezing her eggs. Judging by her outfit, she was on her way to the club when the idea of freezing her eggs occurred to her. She was shocked to learn that she only had five follicles, but she decided to proceed with freezing her eggs. She said she didn't think she was going to have more kids, but she wanted to keep her options open. Also, if we need her to get pregnant to extend our contract with E!, it's a nice bargaining chip to have in our back pockets.
In Paris, DadYe and Mommy arrived at what DadYe kept calling the "bike district" (this is not a real thing). They headed straight to the hotel to pick out their outfits for the Louis Vuitton fashion show. Mommy struggled to find a look because it was a men's show and she had to wear men's clothing, so DadYe threw on a long-sleeve shirt on her and called it high fashion. When you sit front row at a fashion show, you have to look good. Most of you are fortunate enough to never have to know this stress. And by most of you, I mean the Disick kids. DadYe and Mommy ran late to the fashion show because it's their world and we're all just living in it, but they eventually made it. "The culture" was thankful, I'm sure.
Back in the States, Kris visited Auntie Kendall while she was horseback riding. Auntie Kendall revealed that she hadn't been practicing her poker game and didn't know other members of the family were getting professional help. It was too late to get coaching, so she said she would hope for beginners luck at the tournament. Auntie Kendall is the luckiest person I know. How else would you explain her successful modeling career?
Later, Mommy, Auntie Khloe and Auntie Kourtney went to a pop-up "Saved By the Bell" restaurant. Mommy recapped her Paris trip and said she didn't have a lot of anxiety when she was there. She said she thinks she can go back to Paris and feel safe and comfortable despite her negative experience in the past.
At the poker tournament, Mommy, Kris, Auntie Khloe and Auntie Kendall showed up in all black to show a united front. Auntie Kourt set some new boundaries that week, so she refused to play. No one from the family won the tournament, but they raised a ton of money for a good cause. If you're wondering, no, I didn't win my Go Fish tournament, either.
Meet me back here next week when I recap Episode 16 of my show.