This Santa is tired of giving welfare babies presents every year and has relocated to one of President Trump's favorite vacation destinations.
The ABC late-night host brought back recurring guest Fred Willard to play a very grumpy St. Nick who appears to have spent the last year bingeing Fox News, because he's fired up over that alleged "War on Christmas" the cable news network and President Trump love to bring up even though the holiday is alive and well.
"Happy holidays, my ass! Listen, it's Christmas you Godless Hollywood snowflake," conservative Santa yelled. "Listen, there's nothing silly about the War on Christmas. Hundreds of elves gave their tiny little lives to keep the liberals from killing Christmas for good."
Santa popped on a "Make Christmas Great Again" hat, and praised Trump for doing just that.
"Hold on a minute. You're a Trump supporter, Santa?" Kimmel asked.
"You're God damn right, you looney left-wing pussyfoot," Santa fired back from his "new workshop" at Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida.
But he's given up on making toys for kids at that workshop. "Santa doesn't believe in welfare," Willard's Santa explained. "If these kids want toys they can get the hell out of their playpens and go get a job."
Watch the video above to see why Mrs. Claus needs to cancel her hubby's cable subscription before he starts getting the naughty and nice list directly from Sean Hannity.
Even if Santa does end up delivering beautiful, clean coal to every kid on earth this year, Kimmel explained in his monologue that their Christmas will still be better than Trump's.
"Christmas Eve is only a week away and it doesn't look like it will be a very jolly one for the President of the United States," Kimmel said. "Santa is bringing a stocking full of problems to Donald Trump. It has been a terrible holiday season for him. He's facing multiple investigations, he's losing cabinet members, he lost the House and on top of everything else, the DNA tests he ordered came back and Eric and Donald Jr. are his."
"Trump is so frustrated right now he wants to build that wall just to bang his head against it," Kimmel joked.