Here's everything the profound bros discussed during Colbert's "Big Questions with Even Bigger Stars."
On Wednesday night, the profound bros cozied up on a big blanket to tackle some pretty heavy and philosophical topics, all while looking up at the starry night sky. McConaughey even taught Colbert the key to cliff diving in the nude because, well, those are the type of things Matthew McConaughey knows how to do quite well.
"Hey, Stephen -- where do you think we go when we die?" the actor asked his blanket buddy. "Us? Celebrity Heaven," Colbert replied, "It's like regular Heaven, but there's gift baskets."
"Hey, Matt -- you think God cares who wins the Super Bowl?" Colbert asked. "Nah, I mean, if he did, the Saints would've won," McConaughey quipped. "That ref is going to hell." Colbert added.
As the five-minute segment went on, the two got creative with their pet names for one another. "Matthew" turned into "Matt," which turned into "Matty Mixy," before it became "M&M's" -- while "Stephen" became "Steve," which became "Steverino," and later "Stephen Cold Beer."
When Colbert asked McConaughey if he thought time was subjective, the actor replied, "For example, do I think that I get older but high school girls stay the same age?" Pausing briefly after his famous "Dazed and Confused" line, he added, "Nah, sounds creepy."
The talk-show host then asked, "How do we know that we made the right choices in life?"
"That's a good one," the actor replied. "You know, I say human potential is like an empty road at night. You don't know if you're on the right path until you drive down it a bit."
"That's deep," Colbert said. "That's actually a line from my next Lincoln commercial," McConaughey replied as the audience erupted in laughter.
After collecting himself, McConaughey asked, "Yo, Steverino -- what do you want your last words to be?"
"I bet I can eat all that spaghetti," Colbert replied without hesitation.
Colbert then asked McConaughey what his personal mantra was, to which he replied, "JKL -- it stands for just keep living. What's yours?"
"JKS," Colbert said. "J.K. Simmons."
As far as what the comedian wants to be "remembered for," he explained, "I wanna be remembered as the guy who says, 'Alright, alright, alright.'" Once again, both gentlemen smiled as they fought to stay in character.
"That's cool," the coiner of the phrase replied, "but I'm the guy who says, 'Alright, alright, alright.'"
"Not if my obituary comes out first!" the comedian fired back.
After a commercial break, the two talked about McConaughey's upcoming drama/thriller, "Serenity," which he shot on the island of Mauritius alongside Anne Hathaway.
"You are buck naked in this movie," Colbert said to the actor, who seemingly didn't remember he shot a nude scene.
"That's what I keep hearing!" he said.
Colbert then pulled up a photo of McConaughey jumping off a 60-foot cliff without any swim trunks. McConaughey tried to convince us all he wasn't totally naked, but he definitely was.
So how exactly does one complete that sort of jump without injury?
"There's a few tricks you have to learn," he explained. "One is definitely if you do have dangling bits, have them very secure. I'm telling you, I'm not just flapping in the wind in that shot!"
Watch the video above to hear the rest of the actor's methods to his madness.
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