"Who wants mom's peace? 'Cause that matters. Do we care about Caitlyn's peace when she's never cared about ours?!" Khloe fires at Kim.
The woman behind Nori's Black Book -- a viral parody Instagram account written entirely in the voice of Kim Kardashian's sassy 5-year-old daughter -- is bringing her talents to TooFab.
Each week, "Nori" will be recapping new episodes of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and giving us HER take on all the family drama.
(NOTE: The below was not actually written by North West.)
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Sunday's episode of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" started with us trying to squeeze in our family Christmas card shoot while shooting new promo shots for this season. Obviously, I was the only one being professional. Dream was embarrassingly new to all of this. I coached her and said it's just like when her and her mom go to Sears to take pictures, just with better cameras and better lighting.
In Cleveland, Auntie Khloe was trying to figure out her and Tristan's schedule during the Christmas season. Because of Tristan's game, he wouldn't be able to do Christmas in L.A. Auntie KoKo said she would be in L.A. for Christmas and Christmas Eve and that she would figure out when she and Tristan could celebrate the holiday later. It was important to Auntie Khloe for True to be around the family for Christmas because it's tradition. True of course had to wear a turban to the Christmas Eve party. At what age will she get creative control over her wardrobe?
Back in Calabasas at Auntie Khloe's house, Scott and Auntie Kourt told Auntie Khloe and Mommy that they were taking a family trip to Cabo for Mason's birthday right before Christmas. Auntie Kourtney also revealed that Scott's girlfriend, Sofia, was going, too. Lionel Richie signed the permission slip.
At Mommy's house, one of our staff members discovered that the hamster Auntie KoKo bought me had died. Mommy happened to be on the phone with Auntie KoKo when she found out about the hamster, so she told her. Auntie KoKo said she was surprised that I was still even into the hamster. Mommy told her she wasn't sure how she was going to break the news to me and said this is why you don't buy pets as gifts. It's interesting that she has no problem telling me I have a new sibling every other year and that I have to split the inheritance -- yet a hamster dies, and she's all of a sudden so concerned about my feelings.
Later, Mommy and Kris discussed the Christmas Eve party. Mommy didn't like how the party had turned into just Kris' friends and so many other people that no one seemed to know. Instead of Kris hosting the party, Mommy wanted to have the party at our house and let DadYe plan everything. Mommy said that all the siblings felt this way, but she wanted Kris' blessing because she didn't want to just steal the party. Kris said the thought of not doing the Christmas Eve party at her house made her sad, and she got super emotional. She eventually let Mommy have the party, and Mommy assured her that everything would be great. I'll probably be taking over the planning of this year's Christmas Eve party because honestly letting people go sledding in the backyard was so tacky.
After that, Scott and Cousin Cici visited Mommy at her office, where Mommy told them that Caitlyn had called and begged for an invite to our Christmas Eve party. In case you forgot, Caitlyn had a falling out with the family after she put out her book with wild accusations about Kris. Mommy decided to send a family group text about inviting Caitlyn to the party, and Kris was actually the one who responded, agreeing to let her come. I really hope Jordyn doesn't get inspired to pull this move for this year's Christmas Eve party.
Later, Scott posted a pic on Instagram of him, Auntie Kourt and Sofia vacationing in Cabo. Mommy, Kris and Auntie KoKo were completely shocked. Kris felt like, because of her indecisiveness, Auntie Kourt was going to end up getting hurt. She felt like Auntie Kourt was going to be deciding way too late that she was in love with Scott and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. I'm not sure we need these people back together. The owner of Poosh and the owner of Talentless wouldn't exactly make for a power couple.
Back at our house, Mommy showed Auntie KoKo the creative sketches for the Christmas Eve party. DadYe planned the entire thing. Mommy was not involved in the designing at all because, let's be honest, if she designed it, the party would be KKW Beauty and skinny tea themed.
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Later, Mommy told Auntie KoKo how she had been lying to me about my hamster dying. I was under the impression that the hamster was sleeping, and since Mommy is a coward, she continued to let me believe that. Mommy could not bring herself to tell me about the hamster dying so she and Auntie KoKo decided to go to the pet store to find a fraud to take its place.
The truth is, the hamster died days before the assistant discovered him after I sprayed him with KKW Beauty fragrance. I just pretended to not know the hamster died so she'd buy me a new one. I also didn't want to deal with the potential PR nightmare of the press finding out I murdered a hamster with perfume.
In this episode, we also found out that Mommy doesn't know to spell hamster. Would you really want your lawyer to not know how to spell hamster?
Next came my favorite scene. Kris stopped by Auntie Kourt's house to criticize everything about Auntie Kourtney -- from the labels on her food in the pantry, to her family vacation with Scott and Sofia. Kris demanded that she explain the dynamic of her relationship with her baby daddy and his girlfriend. Auntie Kourtney explained that she didn't want to miss out on moments with her kids, so that's why she decided to go on the vacation. She said she had an easy and great time and that Sofia didn't start drama, so it wasn't awkward. Scott and Auntie Kourt are working really hard to make things normal for their kids.
In the car, DadYe called Mommy to tell her that the Christmas Eve party was going to be over budget. Mommy said that was unacceptable and that they needed to scale back: no snow in the street, no ice skating rink, and I can't remember, but I believe I recall us canceling the hologram of Prince and booking John Legend instead because we could get him to perform for free if we just let Chrissy Teigen give out her cookbook at the party.
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After that, Mommy went to lunch with Auntie KoKo and Auntie Kourt. Auntie KoKo confronted Mommy about why she felt the need to invite Caitlyn to the Christmas Eve party. Mommy said she was just trying to keep the peace. "Who wants mom's peace? 'Cause that matters. Do we care about Caitlyn's peace when she's never cared about ours?!" Auntie KoKo fired back. Auntie Kourt said that while she wanted Kris to be okay, she also wanted everyone to get along. But Auntie KoKo didn't feel like they should make Kris uncomfortable at her own party and wanted Mommy to disinvite Caitlyn.
Mommy said she felt she had "made a big f--king mistake," so she called Kris to tell her that she was planning on disinviting Caitlyn, but Kris asked her not to because she had already told Kendall that her dad was coming. She asked Mommy to just leave it alone because she didn't want to do that to Auntie Kendall and Auntie Kylie. "I promise you, I'm fine. Just let it go. Vodka's my friend," she insisted.
I will remember this when I'm planing this year's Christmas Eve party and True wants to invite Tristan.
Overall, the Christmas Eve party was fabulous considering we had to make some drastic changes to get back within budget. We ended up using Chrissy's cookbooks as coasters. Everyone had fun! And considering it was her last Christmas party, Jordyn really seemed to enjoy herself.
Meet me back here next week when I recap Episode 9 of my show.