The former "That '70s Show" co-stars are appalled at the details of their breakup, and Kutcher's secret so dark even he doesn't know what it is.
The couple, who have been married for four years and share two children, were stunned by the news. Unfortunately, all Kunis had was the cover image, sent to her by a friend, but that was enough to get them all worked up over the details.
Looking very concerned and directly into the camera, Kutcher asked, "Babe, what's happening? What's going on?"
"It's over between us," she said seriously, showing the magazine cover to the camera.
"Oh my god, what are we gonna do?" Kutcher asked.
"I felt suffocated," Kunis read.
"You felt suffocated by me," Kutcher marveled. "Oh, I was just so overbearing wasn't I?"
But the bad news kept coming for Kutcher, who was not looking good in this story. "Also, I take the kids," Kunis told him, which didn't sit well with him at all.
It turns out, Kutcher had a very dark secret exposed, but unfortunately neither of them know what that was.
This may be the best response to a tabloid story yet. Rather than get mad about it or strongly try to deny it, Kunis and Kutcher instead acted just as shocked and amazed by every detail as the tabloids hope their readers will feel.
Kutcher took a final shot at the publication in the video's caption, writing, "Have fun selling magazines this week. Maybe next week my wife will be having twins. For the third time."
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