"Ron purposely puts his drama out there because he can't keep his d--k in his pants," JWoww blurts out.
Though he previously claimed he got it after he was jumped in the parking lot of a random diner by a random dude who also stole his gold chain, that story changed Thursday night, and his messy new claims really set his co-stars off.
Back at the dude ranch, Ronnie was acting all weird -- insisting he was tired and expressing frustration over the fact no one discusses Jenni "JWoww" Farley's divorce the way they discuss his problems with Jen Harley.
Jenni wasn't there because she had left early to take her son to a doctor's appointment, but Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Deena Cortese did not appreciate his comments about her whatsoever. They didn't say much to Ronnie's face, but once they got back to their cabin to finish packing their things, they said the remark was out of line. They felt Jenni's made it a point to keep her private matters out of the public eye and said Ron should have done the same if he didn't want them to come up among the group.
Proving their point that he's not great at the whole privacy thing, a week or so after leaving the ranch, Ronnie posted a closeup shot of his black eye to his Instagram Story, seeming to insinuate Harley had caused it.
He wrote, "Sorry for lying to my friends and family, sometimes u love people so much your willing to lie and the hurt the people that love u the most to protect." He also tagged @JenX, which isn't Harley's Instagram name, and wrote "Kidddddddddddd," whatever that means. Jen also took to her Instagram to share a plethora of screenshots of nasty text messages the two had allegedly exchanged. She wrote over the images, "The truth about the Black eye lol. Begging me back!!!"
Naturally, the media -- and Ron's co-stars -- went wild.
Days before Mike and Lauren Pesce(now Sorrentino)'s wedding, Nicole, Jenni, Deena and Angelina Pivarnick (who's sort of become Ronnie's confidant) reunited to talk about what they'd be wearing -- and the latest Ron gossip.
"Ron goes on Instagram..." Jenni began to say, before Nicole let out, "Can we finally, uh, talk about it?!" Snooki then told the camera, "Once you see Ron doing a post, you gotta look because you know that shit's gonna be crazy."
"This Ron drama is like serious shit," she explained. "He said he got beat up in Secaucus, but the other day, Ron did another Ron-page on Instagram, showed basically his face when he got beat up, and he basically said, 'Jen did this. Sorry to my friends and family who I hurt.' But I mean, you know, we can't trust him."
"He was like, 'The cops found the guy. Jen's doing the lineup,'" Nicole said, while Jenni also mocked Ron's apparent cover-up story. "'Jen's at the police station. She's doing the lineup,'" said Farley.
Cut to a flashback of Ronnie telling someone off camera, "Jen's been talking to the cops and stuff because she's the one that got a look at them."
Angelina could not believe what she was hearing. "He said that Jen was talking to the detectives all day, so I believed him for a minute!" she said, eyes bulging. She later told the camera, "Lo and behold, the girls told me that, yeah, Jen punched him in the face. Wow. He totally lied to my face. Honestly, I feel like maybe he was so embarrassed that maybe he doesn't want people to know what's really going on between him and Jen, but it's just upsetting to me."
Jenni was heated, bringing up a previous Harley outburst Ron covered for.
"When I watched that thing about her getting kicked out of [Atlantic City], and then he came in to you guys like, 'Oh, no big deal, she didn't have her ID,'" Jenni recalled, "Who can lie like that so quick?!"
"He's like a pathological liar!" Deena let out. Angelina was trying not to believe it because she wanted to give Ronnie "the benefit of the doubt," but she was also really hurt he'd lie to her so blatantly.
"It's posted on their Instagram," Nicole said to Angelina, who didn't understand why either of the two would "wanna air that out. It's just sick!"
"I choose to keep my family's business out of certain things," Jenni blurted out, "where Ron purposely puts his drama out there because he can't keep his dick in his pants, so it becomes part of our drama because he drags every one of us in it."
She continued during her confessional, "I think Ron hates the fact that I need my life to be private, but look at him, he blatantly lies, and he is a f--king mess."
That's when Nicole announced, "He's not coming for the wedding." Jenni's jaw dropped. Deena added that "Mike texted him and was like, 'Dude, are you coming?' And he was like, 'No, I'm not coming because Jen's not coming to the wedding. They're just gonna make fun of her.'"
Snooki, who was once very close with Ron, was over the situation. "Figure out your shit and come be here for Mike," she said. "He doesn't give a f--k. He does what he wants."
"Honestly, I feel two ways about Ron going to Mike's wedding," Nicole later told the camera. "He needs to be there for Mike, but I also don't want him there if he's still in this mindset of Ron-page. And I blame it all on Jen because of what she's doing to him. It's like, any time something bad goes on with Ron, it's always with Jen."
Jenni said she doubted Ronnie would show up because she was under the impression he was "missing teeth." She pulled up a screenshot of one of his Instagram videos, and it appeared his front teeth were gone. Nicole said he looked "homeless" and called the situation "sad," but Jenni maintained that "everybody has a choice. Mike had a choice, too, to get sober and clean. Ron has a choice."
Poor Angelina. She was so confused. She wanted to "see the good" in the situation, but Nicole and Jenni told her there was no point.
"There's nothing good about it," Nicole maintained. "Don't feel bad for the kid. He does it to himself. We're all over it. I feel like I don't know him at all anymore. I don't even know who he is. I'm over it... We used to be very close, but now once he started turning into this f--king asshole, I want nothing to do with him."
While discussing logistics for their big, fat Italian-Jersey wedding, Mike and Lauren also spoke about the Ronnie issue, with Mike revealing to his already-stressed-out fiancée that there was a chance Ron wouldn't be making it. If you recall, Mike asked him to be a best man (along with Pauly D and Vinny Guadagnino), so if he bailed, it'd definitely throw things off.
"Ronnie's been all over social media the past week, and I don't even know if he's gonna be able to come to the wedding," Mike said, while revealing he was also unsure Ron would make the rehearsal dinner.
"You kind of signed up for that when you chose to put him in your bridal party," Lauren fired back, but Mike said he had faith Ronnie would "come through in the clutch." Lauren was visibly annoyed, but Mike asked her to join him in focusing on the positives. He later revealed in a confessional he was being faced with the decision to possibly disinvite Ron to make sure Lauren had a drama-free day.
But the episode wasn't all bad!
As Deena recently revealed to TooFab, Mike and Lauren wanted to get pregnant before Mike's eight-month sentence began. During a chat on Thursday's episode, Lauren looked at Mike and said, "Today is a high chance to get pregnant." Mike said he was ready to "get busy," which prompted a conversation about where they wanted to start their family. Lauren wanted to be out of their apartment in six months, but as Mike kindly reminded her, "I don't think that we're gonna purchase a house while I'm in the big house." Lauren chuckled.
The cutest part of the whole episode, though, was when Nicole took her daughter, Giovanna, to her "first day of work" at her clothing store, The Snooki Shop, to teach her the ropes. Nicole trained her toddler to answer the phone and say, "Hello, The Snooki Shop, how can I help you?" which Gigi didn't really nail. She managed to get out the words "The Snooki Shop."
"Eeewww! That's the first time you said Snooki! I'm gonna kill myself," Nicole shouted, hugging her baby girl. "Do you know what Snooki is?"
"No," Giovanna replied.
"Thank God!" Nicole let out.
"Jersey Shore: Family Vacation" airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. on MTV.
Got a story or a tip for us? Email TooFab editors at firstname.lastname@example.org.