After facing betrayal and calling off her engagement, the reality star pens a lengthy and emotional Instagram post about where she's at today.
To say that Hannah Brown has had a crazy year would be a wild understatement, and now the "Bachelor" and "Bachelorette" star has admitted that coming out the other side of her franchise experience has left her "struggling."
Keeping true to herself and her candid nature, the reality star took to Instagram on Monday night where she opened up about how much the experience has changed her and how challenging it has been enduring some of the things she's been through on such a public stage, including getting engaged and breaking off said engagement after finding out her fiance lied to her.
"Honest policy: I’m struggling. Life is so different," Hannah wrote in a lengthy Instagram post. "Since last August, I’ve been a pageant queen, a bachelor contestant, and the Bachelorette. I’ve been in love with multiple people, I got engaged, I broke off an engagement, and I shared it all with millions of people."
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Honest policy: I’m struggling. Life is so different. Since last August, I’ve been a pageant queen, a bachelor contestant, and the Bachelorette. I’ve been in love with multiple people, I got engaged, I broke off an engagement, and I shared it all with millions of people. My faith has been questioned by thousands who don’t know my heart, and my transparency with my decisions has labeled me promiscuous. Simultaneously, I’ve become a role model for young women and started bigger conversations around faith, and sex. // I’m living on my own for the first time and shuffling through this life of next steps with press, media, and opportunities galore. I miss my friends and family that have watched my life explode. I feel guilty because I don’t have the time or emotional capacity to fill each of them in on my life right now. I can’t keep up with the people that matter most, because I can barely keep up with my own life right now. // I am not complaining about this past year of adventures. The woman who has emerged would shock the mirror-image young girl from a year ago. I have so many blessings to be thankful for. However it’s uncharted territory for me, and it’s been hard to really process what the heck is going on. // Maybe I needed write this out to remind myself I’m human and it’s okay to be overwhelmed. And maybe, I just needed to remind you guys too. Life is beautiful, but wild. I think it’s okay to be strong-to know you’re strong-but to still feel weak simultaneously. I believe that’s when the magic happens. My spirit has opportunity to grow and blossom from this place. Healing and restoration can happen. I can rest knowing that My Savior has compassion and wants to help and love me through this journey. I’ve just got to let Him. I don’t know if I have been lately— but I am now because honestly, I think I would give out if I didn’t. So yeah, I’m not going to struggle to disguise my weakness— I’m just gonna give over the keys to my main man Jesus and let him bless me through this ride. Isaiah 54:10
She went on to target some of the issues that came out during her season of "The Bachelorette," including getting slut-shamed by contestant Luke Parker about her sex life, and candidly speaking out about said sex life on the show. "I have had sex," she finally told him. "And Jesus still loves me."
"My faith has been questioned by thousands who don’t know my heart, and my transparency with my decisions has labeled me promiscuous," she continued. Unfortunately, Luke wasn't the only one ready to shame her for being an adult and making adult decisions.
But, there has also been something empowering about a sexually confident "Bachelorette" for many viewers, which Hannah also acknowledged: "Simultaneously, I’ve become a role model for young women and started bigger conversations around faith, and sex."
All the while, she said she's been struggling to stay connected to her family and her roots as her life has been busier than ever since the show ended with "press, media, and opportunities galore."
Nevertheless, Hannah says that the experience, while challenging, has been incredibly rewarding as well. "The woman who has emerged would shock the mirror-image young girl from a year ago," she said. "I have so many blessings to be thankful for."
She closed with the realization that "it’s okay to be strong -- to know you’re strong -- but to still feel weak simultaneously," and reaffirming her faith. "I can rest knowing that My Savior has compassion and wants to help and love me through this journey."
Whereas the dream of every "Bachelor" and "Bachelorette" contestant is to find their happily ever after on the show, that hasn't always been the case. And for Hannah, things seemed to go from bad to worse throughout her journey, only to end in the biggest disappointment of all.
She had to endure weeks with one guy judging her every movement only to finally get rid of him and then choose the guy who would prove her worst fears realized. She confessed she was terrified she'd fall for a guy who was there for the wrong reasons, and that's exactly what happened.
Aspiring musician Jed Wyatt only went on the show to raise his profile and help out his music career. He left a girlfriend behind to do so, even allegedly penning her a note that effectively said she would have his heart even while he went on this journey. For Hannah, though, she really was trying to find someone to love. For Jed, he was looking to make it as a musician.
Unfortunately, Hannah only found out about this after she'd rejected every other guy on the show and accepted Jed's proposal of marriage. The fact that he only came clean after the media reported about the other girl was the final nail in the coffin. He may claim that he ultimately did fall for Hannah, but it doesn't matter.
Hannah put herself out there in a real and vulnerable way in the hope of finding a genuine connection with someone only to fall for a shyster looking to make a name for himself and a lucrative opportunity out of appearing on a reality television show. Hannah effectively meant nothing to his ambitions.
She's allowed to feel weak and overwhelmed and any number of other things after everything she's gone through. She's allowed to be "struggling" right now as she processes everything she endured, and she's certainly allowed to express herself as much or as little as she wants publicly. And Bachelor Nation was there to support her.
Colton Underwood, who understands all too well the stresses she's endured, was immediately there with his support, commenting on Hannah's post, "Nailed it. Keep being you HB ... proud of you!"
Cassie Randolph, who won Colton's season of "The Bachelorette" over Hannah and all the other girls, showed her support as well: "So much truth in this post!! I could not have said it any better," she wrote in a comment. "Life is wild but beautiful. And so unexpected."
"It’s hard to complain because there is so much good, but it’s also easy to get overwhelmed," Randolph continued. "I think the biggest thing is searching for balance ... Which is MUCH harder to find than one would think! Thanks for this nice little reminder and you’re doing such a great job with everything."
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