'BH90210' Recap: Breaking Down What's Fact or Fiction as Reboot Goes Up In Flames

"BH90210" was on fire this week, in more ways than one.

Wednesday's new episode included a major hookup, new romances, a love child reveal and set catastrophe -- with more juicy, real life intel about the show's cast sprinkled in throughout the drama.

In case you haven't been following the series so far, this very meta show follows the cast of the OG series as they play exaggerated versions of themselves planning a true revival. Tonight's episode showed them all sitting down for the first script read of the series -- and it did not go well.

The episode begins with another nightmare, this time focusing on Gabrielle Carteris' insecurities with her much-younger costars. "You don't belong," they shout at her -- something she addresses with them all later in the hour. With the first table read for the pilot on the horizon, Carteris is also dipping her toe in the lady pond on what she thinks is a date with former costar and now-producer Christine Elise. Gabby's initially met with a trip to the friend zone, but that changes by the episode's end.

Over in Jennie Garth's neck of the woods, she's getting Kevin Costner vibes from her bodyguard, Wyatt. The two flirt over coffee, as the real-life Lifetime regular says she picked up coffee artistry skills from a movie where she played a barista called "A Latte of Love." Sadly, this movie doesn't exist. With no recent attacks from the cast's stalker, however, Wyatt says he may be reassigned -- joking, "I heard there's some issues on 'Empire.'"

Her hottie's possible departure isn't the only issue Garth's dealing with though, as her daughter Kyler (rightly) faces nepotism criticism after landing a role on the reboot. Tori Spelling's advice: Make her audition. "I've been dealing with 30 years of nepotism," says Spelling, whose father Aaron Spelling produced the original series, "The only way she is going to build her self confidence is to earn the part."

"Like you did when you auditioned under a fake name for your dad," notes Garth. While Tori says she used the name "Dory Snelling," in actuality she used the alias "Tori Mitchell," which was the moniker of a character Heather Locklear played in the TV movie "Rich Men, Single Women." She reportedly tried out for the roles of Kelly and Andrea, but got Donna -- "which I'm sure had something to do with my dad," she once recalled.

Like Tori herself, Kyler isn't right for the part she auditions for -- and is cast as Donna Martin's daughter instead.

When the entire cast finally sits down together to go over the script, they learn Shannen Doherty hasn't signed her deal, which frustrates them all to no end. In reality, she was one of the last to sign onto the show, inspired to do it following the death of Luke Perry.

Also problematic for everyone: the script itself.

Like some viewers who tuned into this Fox series, the cast finds themselves confused about whether their reboot is a comedy or drama. They agree to all meet up later to go over the script with the head writer, Anna, who they insult right to her face. She storms out of the brainstorming session, but Ian Ziering helps her refocus the drama on the real life relationships between the cast members.

It's here where Carteris shines, as she opens up about how difficult it was being so much older than everyone else when the first series was filmed. "I was 10 years older than you guys, I had a baby, I was breastfeeding and it was really uncomfortable for me to come on the set," she says. "I never felt like I fit in and you guys were like the cool kids. I was totally freaked out they were going to find out my age and I would get fired and I really, I loved being on this show. I just wanted you guys to like me."

IRL, Carteris told producers she was 21 after her audition, when she was really 29. "When [my real age] did come out, the show was just starting to take off and my character was established enough that they did not fire me," she recently told PEOPLE. "But a producer did say to me, 'You're lucky we didn't know your age when we hired you.'"

Jennie then thanks her for acting like a mama bear back in the day, including one time she "tried to keep me from marrying that drummer with the long hair from the Coconut Teaszer." The Teaszer was a club in Hollywood in the '90s where Garth met her real first husband, drummer Daniel Clark, to whom she was married from 1994-1996.

As they all hug it out, Shannen shows up ready to work ... but is scared off again when they tell her there's a "crazy stalker on the loose" and the script is crap. As the other women on the show try to convince her to return, they all learn she's making double everyone else, leading to a confrontation.

"I did not hold it against you when you got your own talk show," Shannen tells Gabrielle, referring to the very real "Gabrielle" show, which lasted only one season. "And Tori, I didn't hold it against you that you were living in a 52,000 square foot mansion. Jennie, I didn't hold it against you that you never got any bad press."

Rehashing one of their real on-set fights from back in the day, Jennie says, "You threw a script at my head." Shannen: "You yanked my hair out, a clump of it, by the root!" The boys in the cast broke it up before it escalated further, something Garth opened up about in more detail on a recent episode of "WWHL."

As for the money, show Shannen claims her salary is all going to charity, something we don't believe is the case IRL. Thanks to a recent Hollywood Reporter article, we know the core cast members are all making the same $70,000 per episode base salary for the series. Jennie and Tori pull in a little extra for co-creating the show and Jason Priestley also scored more for directing an episode.

With the money issues out of the way, they all then, finally, agree on a retooled script.

In other plot threads, Tori admits she's starting to get "feelings" for Brian Austin Green again and worries about all the sex scenes they have in the new show. At the same time, her husband on the show bonds with BAG's wife, so it looks like we may have a wife swap by the end of the season.

As for BAG, his superstar singer wife Shay (La La Anthony) deals with humiliation after her un-autotuned tracks are leaked. BAG's new assistant, Zach, tells her it was probably her stylist who did it -- but Shay's suspicious of the newcomer. While he didn't have anything to do with the Shay sabotage, Green's wife's private investigator finds evidence Zach is a total creeper. When confronted by Green, Zach drops a bombshell we all saw coming: he claims he's his son.

By the end of the hour, Gabrielle and Christine spend the night together, Jennie strikes up a romance with her bodyguard -- who, we're guessing for now, is probably the stalker -- and the cast shows up on set for the first day of filming.

What they find when they get there: a fire on the set and a message in red reading, "STOP ACTING LIKE I'M NOT EVEN HERE"

"BH90210" airs Wednesdays on Fox.