"I gave Mommy that 'fake humanitarian ho' line because I overhead MJ calling Auntie Kourt that after she saw her drinking out of a plastic straw," writes "North West."
Each week, "Nori" will be recapping new episodes of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and giving us HER take on all the family drama.
(NOTE: The below was not actually written by North West.)
Sunday's episode of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" started with the continuation of the drama at True's birthday party. Kourtney talked to Khloe about why she got upset. Khloe said that she didn't like that Tristan talked to Kanye and tried to act like the victim. Penelope was actually the one who said they should find a different time because of all the kids at the party.
You know it's bad when a Disick starts making sense. I left the party way before the drama started. It was a very D-list event, and to be honest, there was only so much of Larsa's braids and a sheet cake from Costco that I can take. -NW
Back at Khloe's house, Kim talked to Khloe about the drama that happened at the party. Khloe felt bad that Tristan cornered Kanye and said Tristan should have never had a conversation with Kanye at True's birthday party. She said that showed her that Tristan has a lack of respect for her and her family. Kim assured her that the drama didn't ruin True's party and they all had the best time.
Here I thought Dream would be the one with the awkward birthday parties, however True's party provided content for almost two full episodes. Okay, True, we can start the conversation about bumping you up to a series regular. -NW
Kim went back to the doctor to follow up on her test results. Her doctor had previously thought she might have had Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis, but her test results came back negative for both. Kim ended up having Psoriactic Arthritis instead, which is very common.
In other words, Mommy is old. -NW
Kourtney was doing a fitting for her 40th birthday party. Kim attended the fitting to help Kourtney decide what to wear. Kim said 40 is an important year because it sets the tone for whether you're going to be old or young. Kim hated every look that Kourtney tried on. Kourtney didn't appreciate Kim's criticism. She thought that Kim's comments were hurtful.
Auntie Kourt's fitting was atrocious. I actually thought Mommy's comments were conservative considering it looked like Auntie Kourt's stylist pulled from the back of Larsa's closet. -NW
At Kim's house, Kim told Kendall that Kanye's Sunday Service had been booked for Coachella. Kim had never been to Coachella so was looking forward to going. Between the new baby, law school and the Tristan and Khloe drama, she just wanted to relax.
Drinking game alert! Take a shot every time Mommy obnoxiously reminds us she's in law school. -NW
Later, Kim was doing a fitting for the Met Gala and FaceTimed with Kourtney. Kourtney was not impressed by Kim's look and asked her if she was going as Nicki Minja for Halloween. Kim told her the look was inspired by Cher and that it was for the Met Gala. Kim was embarrassed and offended by Kourtney's comments, especially since the Manfred Thierry Mugler (designer of Kim's dress) team was in the room listening to their conversation.
I thought these comments were really bold coming from someone whose kids walk around Calabasas barefoot and shirtless. -NW
After she ended the call with Kourtney, Mugler's manager told Kim that Kourtney's stylist had been contacting them for looks. Kim's stylist also told Kim that Kourtney's stylist took all of the Rick Owens custom tops that were made and reproduced for Kim. Kim gave her stylist permission to call Kourtney and her stylist to figure out what was going on.
Due to budgetary constraints, Auntie Kourt found her stylist off of TaskRabbit. They don't know anything about decorum when it comes to this fashion game. -NW
At Kourtney's house, Khloe watched Kourtney try on a vintage Dior dress as an option for her 40th birthday party. She was unsure about it, so Khloe offered to FaceTime Kim, but Kourtney didn't exactly trust Kim's opinion. On FaceTime, Khloe asked Kim what she thought of Kourtney's look, but Kourtney kept interrupting Kim. Khloe told Kim that Kourtney didn't care about their opinions and would rather ask Kendall. Kim asked if Kourtney didn't care about her, why was she copying her style? This caused a huge fight. Kourtney maintained that she dresses completely differently from the way Kim does. Kourtney also said that she was not aware that her stylist was contacting the same designers that Kim works with.
Penelope and I have this same argument all the time. She says she doesn't bite my style, yet she exclusively shops at the only Goodwill I donate my clothes to. She's not fooling anyone. -NW
Later, Kourtney was in the car picking up Khloe for an event at UCLA honoring their dad. Kourtney was on the phone with her friend, Sarah, and told her about the mean texts that Kim was sending her. When Khloe got in the car, Kourtney read her some text messages from Kim. Meanwhile, Kim was telling Kris her side of the story. Kim claimed that Kourtney yelled at her and told her that she had the lamest style.
Back in the car, Kourtney read a text from Kim telling her that she's a miserable human being who hasn't contributed to the world. Kim told Kris that she called Kourtney a "fake humanitarian ho." Kim said that her issue wasn't about Kourtney copying her style, rather the fact that she was infiltrating on her relationships with stylists and designers.
Kris suggested this all might be because Kourtney was turning 40, but Kim didn't care. In the car, Kourtney started crying because of Kim's comments, but also because she was feeling overwhelmed by her birthday party and turning 40. Kourtney said she just wanted to go somewhere and be alone.
When Kourntey and Khloe arrived at the event where Kim, Kris and Kendall were already waiting, Khloe told Kim that Kourtney had been sobbing in the car and to be nice to her. Kim agreed, but slipped in one or two snarky comments toward Kourtney during the event.
I gave Mommy that "fake humanitarian ho" line, but I can't take full credit for it. I overhead MJ calling Auntie Kourt that at True's birthday party after she saw her drinking out of a plastic straw. -NW
Later, Kim found a vintage Versace dress sent to her by Donatella Versace in her closet that she thought would be perfect for Kourtney to wear to her 40th birthday party. Kim said she was still upset with Kourtney, but she wanted her to look amazing at her party. She FaceTimed Kourtney to show her the dress and Kourtney loved it and wanted to try it on. Kourtney also told Kim that she didn't know her Met Gala look was for Met and she didn't know that the Mugler team was in the room when they were talking.
For Auntie Kourt to think that Mommy's style is lame, she sure didn't hesitate to take a free Versace dress. I guess style is relative when you're on a budget. -NW
A lot of people came to celebrate Kourtney's 40th birthday. Celebrities such as Quavo (from Migos), Sia, Robin Thicke, Paris Hilton and more attended. Kourntey ended up wearing the Versace dress Kim gave her and accepted it has a peace offering. Despite not wanting a party, Kourtney thought the "grown and sexy" vibe of the evening was perfect. Kourtney said she decided to let go of the pressure she was feeling and realized that she doesn't have to have it all figured out.
I was really happy at the number of celebrities we were able to book for this party. They all gave me a huge discount on their booking fee, however even with the discount, with Auntie Kourt's budget, we could only afford one Migo. -NW
Later, the family stayed at Kris' mansion in Palm Springs for Coachella. Kim updated Kris on her doctor's appointment and let her know that she doesn't have Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis. Kim said the experience was a good reminder that her health is her wealth and she won't take it for granted.
My wealth is my wealth. I don't know what she's talking about. This sounds like some poor people mantra she got from Auntie Kourt. -NW
At Coachella, Kanye's Sunday Service performed for 50,000 people on Easter Sunday. Afterward, the family went back to the Palm Springs house for an Easter egg hunt and an Easter party with 2 Chainz, Chance the Rapper, La La Anthony, Alexander Wang and other friends. Kanye told Kendall that he loved his performance and he was pleased with the support he had been getting for his Sunday Service.
I dropped out of the Coachella Sunday Service performance at the last minute because it was so unorganized and not up to my standards. I'm mainstage material. I'm not going to perform in the grass near the parking lot. That may be good enough for DadYe, but not for me. -NW
"Keeping Up with the Kardashians" airs Sundays at 9 p.m. on E!
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