"I'm a cuddly, '50s, Rockwell, missionary, boring sex guy."
Shia LaBeouf's advice to his 12-year-old self: "Just stay on course. Boring sex will get you applauded in the future."
The kernel of wisdom came to light during another hilarious and this time tortuous (due to a ghost pepper) round of Ellen DeGeneres' "Burning Questions" on Tuesday.
Unlike previous participants, the 33-year-old actor was quite literally burnin' up as he took on a challenge for charity and ate a very spicy ghost pepper shortly before playing the game. Perhaps it was the unexpected heat, and the resulting pain, that brought out some very bizarre answers, which included cannibalism and sexual positions.
Shia was first tasked with answering one of the segment's most popular questions: his first celebrity crush. And no, it wasn't his "Transformers" costar Megan Fox. "Natalie Portman," LaBeouf answered.
Throughout the interrogation, the "Honey Boy" star seemed like an open book and rarely hesitated to answer a question. However, LaBeouf was stumped for a few extra seconds when Ellen asked him about his best on-screen kiss.
After groaning and mumbling that he couldn't answer the hot question, Ellen assured LaBeouf that it was the "most important" question in the game. Shia, ever the good sport, then claimed that his top movie smooch was with none other than Dakota Johnson, who he starred alongside in the indie comedy-drama, "The Peanut Butter Falcon."
"Dakota Johnson!" Shia said. "She's a sweetheart." But he later said that his answer was actually a lie. We may never know the answer to this "most important" question.
Ellen then asked LaBeouf the "craziest rumor" he's ever heard about himself.
"That I eat humans," Shia said. "People think I'm a cannibal. I've never done that." The actor was most likely referencing the viral video of Rob Cantor's song "Shia LaBeouf."
However, the most entertaining segment came when Ellen asked him if he was a member of the Mile High Club? Shia gave an emphatic no. "You seem proud of that?" Ellen observed.
"Yeah it's not my thing. I'm very cuddly... '50s America. I'm very Rockwell."
"No wham-bam-thank you ma'am," Ellen said.
"No that's not me," he said. "I'm a cuddly, '50s, Rockwell, missionary, boring sex guy."
Ellen then slow clapped as the audience cheered, leading the host to then deliver her guest a standing ovation.
Shia appeared truly touched as Ellen exclaimed, "That's wonderful."
She then tasked him to give advice to his 12-year-old self.
"Just stay on course," he began, "Boring sex will get you applauded in the future."