"And you wonder why you're single and paying child support!" Marlo hurls across the room.
Kenya Moore was in rare form on Sunday's episode of "The Real Housewives of Atlanta." After declining an invite to Marlo Hampton's wig launch party, she showed up unannounced with an entire marching band chanting "Kenya! Moore! Hair! Care!"
We could not make this up if we tried.
But let's backtrack.
The episode began with Tanya Sam letting Porsha Williams know that she had planned a group trip to Canada for Toronto Carnival, which is the largest Caribbean celebration outside of the West Indies. Porsha was so excited, she twerked in the doctor's office.
Meanwhile, NeNe Leakes met up with Kandi Burruss (for the first time in ages) to patch things up and gauge the temperature of the other women. During the conversation, the allegations against Dennis McKinley came up.
"I heard they have totally broken up, and they're done for good. So was he like sleeping with pets?" NeNe blurted out. "Not sleeping with pets, like, watching them have sex. Is that how it goes? Bestiality? Is that what it is? When I saw that, I was like, 'Damn! Porsha need a rabies shot?' You have to check into Petsmart, honey!"
Dying of laughter, Kandi could neither confirm nor deny NeNe's questions. NeNe also filled Kandi in on how her Pride run-in with Cynthia Bailey went and said their mutual friend recorded Cynthia allegedly talking about NeNe "like a dog."
"What I know is that there is some sort of audio of Cynthia saying really horrible things about me," NeNe said in a later confessional, prompting an off-camera producer to ask, "Okay, who took the recordings of Cynthia?"
"Why would I tell you that, honey?" NeNe replied with a laugh.
Later, Kandi met up with Cynthia and Kenya. "[NeNe] says she's going to a life coach now!" Kandi said excitedly, as Kenya asked the camera, "Is it Jesus? Because that's who she needs."
Kandi filled in Cynthia, saying NeNe felt she was the one saying hurtful things in the press, but Cynthia maintained that she was only responding to the things NeNe was saying about her. Kandi also brought up the supposed recordings.
"Okay, here comes the bullshit," Cynthia said. "I don't care what she has. I am sure that I have talked about NeNe in defense of all the things she's said about me, and if somebody felt the need to record it then somebody recorded it. So what?"
"How 'bout this," she added, "I don't give a damn about the receipts. I don't care what she got on recording. I don't care what she got to say about me. The bottom line is, as long as I was kissing her ass and [being] her friend, I was Michelle Obama. And the minute that I wasn't, I'm over here, dirt on the floor. So she can keep her recordings and stick them up her ass."
Fast-forward to Marlo's wig launch party. Kandi was the first to arrive, followed by Yovanna, followed by Cynthia. In typical no-BS Kandi fashion, she asked Yovanna right away -- in front of Cynthia -- if she recorded a conversation they had had. Yovanna's immediate response was, "Who said I recorded Cynthia?" followed by an adamant denial. "I ain't no spy. No, not at all," she maintained.
After Marlo came out and spoke, the ladies had some drinks and danced. Then NeNe arrived. She gave a kiss and said a very dramatic hello to each of the women, with Porsha turning around and walking away as soon as NeNe approached her. "That, ladies and gentlemen, is called the PW curve," she later said proudly. She refused to "fake it."
That's when Kenya came storming into the party with a literal marching band wearing matching T-shirts, and carrying both her hair products and signs that said "your edges matter." Porsha hollered and threw herself to the floor. We all did.
"Even if I did agree with Kenya and the fact that people's edges matter, they don't matter today, bitch! You are wrong. This is absolutely insane, okay?" she said laughing. "So today I don't agree, but tomorrow yes my edges matter and I'll be using the product."
But Kenya had no regrets. "Marlo is not known for good wigs, she's not known for hair, she's not known for edges. She's bald-headed to the back of her skull," she told the camera. "So I'm not interested in supporting Marlo's wig line. I have my own hair care line to support and promote. You're welcome, Marlo!"
To everyone's surprise, Marlo took the petty gesture pretty well -- at first. She agreed that edges mattered and asked Kenya if she could help her with hers. NeNe, on the other hand, was fuming. "Now see, this is the Kenya that I know," she said in a later confessional. "Every time I see Kenya, I swear, her horns on the top of her head grow longer and longer. She is a true devil."
Marlo's tone quickly shifted as she asked Kenya if the product worked on eyebrows "'cause I see yours are drawn on like mine." Kenya immediately fired back, "We're not gonna talk about your uniboob. Thank you!"
"Any makeup wipes, anyone?" Marlo shouted into the mic. "Me and Kenya are gonna wipe off our eyebrows and see whose are thicker!"
After trying to get security involved, Marlo asked everyone who was there to join her in shouting, "No more Kenya Moore! We want her to go!" Of course, Yovanna was the first one to start chanting, but NeNe wanted no part of the drama, so she snuck out and drove off.
After the craziness died down a bit, Kenya decided to say her goodbyes. "And you wonder why you're single and paying child support!" Marlo hurled across the room. "Baby daddy gone, and baby less than a year old! Thank God you're gone. Go cover your grey edges!"
"The Real Housewives of Atlanta" airs Sundays at 8 p.m. on Bravo.
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