First, we got some resolution to the bizarre "hospital" fight between Mary Cosby -- aka the one who married her step-grandfather -- and Jen Shah. Then, a new battle emerged between Mormon alcohol tycoon Lisa Barlow and ex-communicated Mormon Whitney Rose -- before viewers saw some marital strife between Chicago transplant Meredith Marks and her husband Seth.
Let's start with Jen and Mary.
These two got into it at Meredith's birthday party in the premiere after Jen said how how off-putting it was for Mary to remark it "smelled like hospital" and gagged during a previous group gathering -- which Jen came to straight from the hospital, where her aunt just had both legs amputated.
Shah ran out of the party -- which was at her own home -- and retreated in another room, where she continued to vent about how inconsiderate the comment was. Mary eventually found her way to Jen and explained the smell triggered her because she was in the hospital for a month after having her odor glands removed. Ever since then, the smell has been "sickening" to her.
Jen wasn't really buying the explanation, but Meredith made them squash the beef because it was her birthday and she was over the drama. The two put it behind them, for now.
Another battle began brewing at the party, however, when Whitney went up to thank Lisa for supplying the tequila for her vow renewal celebration -- and then let her know the bartenders she sent got tanked at the event.
"It was kind of a mess," she said of the behavior. Lisa, however, felt like Whitney was coming for her business and said it was a "f--ked up" complaint to make. After venting to her husband about Whitney's comments following the party, she said she gave Rose a "friendly call" to settle everything, but Whitney made it sound anything but friendly.
"She proceeded to tell me, do not come after her entities. Then she threatened to use rumors that she's heard about me against me," Whitney later explained to Heather. "Lisa accused me of being a swinger."
"In her mind, it's how could they possibly be that close as friends and not be swingers, not be this," she continued. "It bugs me she's trying to attack my reputation and character."
Though she wouldn't comment on the rumor one way or the other, she explained that Utah has a history of plural marriage and Salt Lake City itself has a "huge swinger community." She said she even has polygamy in her own family -- and explained how family members would warn each other about Marshals looking for polygamists via tin can phone lines set up between their homes.
Whitney went on to say a lot of people in the community still view her as a "home wrecker" after she was excommunicated for cheating on her ex-husband with her now-husband of 15 years. She added she's taken "a lot of shit" over the years.
During a group skiing getaway, Whitney confronted Lisa again about their phone call in front of the other women -- telling her she "felt threatened" by the conversation. Lisa maintained she didn't threaten her, "did not say anything" and "did not allude to" any rumors.
"If I tell you something I heard, it's not me saying it or me judging you," she added. "I don't judge you, I don't care enough to judge you."
In a confessional, Whitney explained that she kept the conversation about vague rumors and didn't mention the word "swinger" in front of everyone because she knew that if she did, the conversation would turn into whether she was one or not. This may only be Episode 2, but Whitney clearly already understands how Housewives feuds can quickly go off track.
Heather then jumped into the fray, saying Lisa hasn't shown her or Whitney any "love and kindness." As they continued to argue back and forth, Lisa tried ending the fight by shouting, "Thumbs up, f--k you!" -- which led to a fight over emojis. Yes, emojis.
Apparently, Heather had sent Lisa a single thumbs up emoji during an innocuous text conversation. "Heather, you know that's a 'F--k you,'" Lisa told the group. Heather maintained that two thumbs up actually meant "F--k you," while incredulously wondering, "I'm sitting here apologizing for a thumbs up text?"
"Don't diminish the thumbs up text!" was Lisa's already-iconic response.
In a confessional, Heather admitted she did, in fact, mean it as an eff you -- while the dinner fight ended on everyone agreeing to give each other a "clean slate."
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Lastly comes the drama between Meredith and her husband Seth.
The two were filmed going out to dinner for a date that wound up being anything but romantic. Right off the bat, he criticized her for being on her phone all the time, before bringing up the "elephant in the room": the fact that they were separated.
Though he appeared in the premiere, this was the first mention of a separation between the two. In a confessional, Whitney explained that "over the years," their marriage just "broke down" -- and they've gotten to a place where there's "no communication and hostility built and built and built."
He pleaded with her to put more work into saving their marriage and even offered to show her everything on his phone as a sign of trust. She didn't want to, while he wanted her to want to.
"You would never hand me your phone ... because you're hiding something," he said, infuriating her more. "I'm done with this conversation," she said and that was that.
In a joint confessional, he said he wasn't dating anyone else -- and added, "I sure as hell hope you're not." She offered up no response, but a trailer for the season teased she may have another man in her life.
The most ironic thing about the whole conversation: It kept getting interrupted by a waitress dropping off refills of their aptly-named "Impossible Dream" cocktails.
"Real Housewives of Salt Lake City" airs Wednesdays on Bravo.