Kelly Osbourne Feels 'Very Behind' In Life Due to Addiction and More Red Table Talk Revelations

Kelly Osbourne joined "Red Table Talk" this week for an episode about addiction, following her recent revelation that she relapsed after nearly four years of sobriety.

As Jada Pinkett Smith noted at the top of the episode, the Smith family has "a lot of history" with the topic, as Adrienne Banfield-Norris has been very open about her battle with heroin addiction. Jada, meanwhile, expressed concerns about her own past alcohol intake on previous episodes.

Explaining how she relapsed after making it through the pandemic without a sip, Osbourne said she was sitting alone by a pool and saw a couple with glasses of champagne. Thinking it looked good, she had one herself ... and it quickly escalated from there.

"Then the next day, I had two glasses and then the day after that it was bottles," she said. "Like full bottles to yourself?" asked Willow Smith. "Yeah," Kelly replied.

"For the first two days, I could handle having one drink," she continued. "And all of a sudden, everything was falling apart." She realized she had a real problem after getting "s--- faced" at her boyfriend's house.

"He looked over at me and I felt the way he looked at me. And I was like, 'Oh no, I never want him to look at me that way again,'" she recalled. "He was disappointed, because he hadn't seen that side of me. Let's hope you never meet her again. It was embarrassing, because for the first time ever, I actually care how he feels and I care how my behavior impacts him. I only want to be the best version of myself for my family, my boyfriend and my friends. I was the furthest thing away from that. I never had a boyfriend who's supportive of me in that area before."

Osbourne explained that her "drug of choice is alcohol," telling the women that she's a "closet drinker" who doesn't really like to get drunk with others around. "That's why it gets really dark and lonely," she explained, "I like that it makes me not feel. I want to be numb to everything,"

"I was introduced to alcohol because I came from an alcoholic family," said the daughter of Ozzy Osbourne, who has also been very open about his own demons. "I grew up with my father being an extremely, if not probably the heaviest drinker I'd ever seen in my life."

She explained that her troubles started when the family moved to America when she was just 13. "I just fell by the wayside," she said, telling the Smiths she "didn't really fit in," felt "really, really insecure" and compared her experience to stepping into the movie "Clueless." After getting a really bad case of tonsillitis, she was given Vicodin and she was hooked.

"That was all I needed. I went from having every voice in my head saying 'You're fat, you're ugly' ... and all of a sudden, every single voice was silent and it felt like life gave me a hug," she said. "Very quickly I went from Vicodin to Percocet, Percocet to heroin because it was cheaper. I got caught buying it and the very next day, my mom put me in rehab. The first time I went to rehab I was 19 and I've been going in and out of those places ever since."

Because of her addiction, said Osbourne, she feels "very behind as a woman" in life now. "I would have loved to be married and have children by now. My brother has three daughters and I would have loved to have had a few kids by now," she said, "but that wasn't what was in the cards for me and I would have been no kind of mother at all."

Speaking more about her family, she said she's always been a "daddy's girl" and goes to him for "everything." She noted that it's "weird" how they turned something "so ugly" like addiction into "something that's actually really beautiful" because of how they and Jack can all bond over it. Jack recently celebrated 18 years of sobriety.

"I always say to him, I know it's not a competition, but I'm so jealous of the way he's been able to handle his recovery," she said of Jack, who she credited with helping her get right after this most recent relapse.

Talking a bit about her sobriety journey, Osbourne also revealed how much of an adjustment she had to go through mentally when she got clean the first time.

"I didn't feel I deserved to be in any room I was in and then I gained so much weight, so I thought everyone was looking at me like, 'She's fat and disgusting,'" said Kelly. "You have to get in touch with vulnerabilities and things that triggered you. I never went to work sober ... so to do things for the first time again, that was really scary."

She said that she actually took two years off from the spotlight and went to therapy to really decide she not only wanted to be sober, but also wanted "the life that I've worked for and the opportunities I've been given and I don't want to take another day for granted."

Lastly, they touched on her gastric sleeve surgery and how it's changed her outlook on life.

"It's the best thing I've ever done. It kind of retrained my relationship with food," she said. "[Now] I use it as fuel and something that's a reward. Like I can become addicted to drugs, I can become addicted to food. To not have to have that obsession is the best gift I've given myself outside of sobriety. I like my body now, I like what I'm turning into and discovering new things I thought I'd never be able to do."

Watch the full episode above.