You know that awkward moment when you have to work with someone whose giant crazed face watched you have your very first orgasm?
No? Well, Tiffany Haddish certainly does... which is why she had to get it off her chest and tell Nicolas Cage — right to his face.
In a hilarious confession on NPR's It's Been A Minute, the actress explained she was having difficulty working with the screen legend on their upcoming film — "The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent" — because unbeknownst to him, he had been present for a very important milestone in her life.
She explained she had been filming with the screen legend for about an hour, and he was starting to pick up on some awkwardness between them.
"You could tell he was getting irritated," she recalled, "and I was like, 'Look, I'm really intimidated by you and I need to tell you something.' He was like 'You? Tiffany Haddish? Intimidated?' I was like 'I have to tell you this story man! And once I tell you this story it'll be fine.' So I tell him this story — and everything was fine."
After a last minute self debate on whether or not the story was appropriate or not for NPR (she also initially debated if the story was appropriate to tell Nicolas Cage or not, as she "didn't want him to hit me with a sexual harassment" lawsuit) she finally spilled the beans.
As the story goes, a 17-year-old Haddish was in the back of a near-empty cinema in 1997 with a date, watching the 1997 visage-swapping classic Face/Off, starring none other than John Travolta and... Nicolas Cage.
"Nobody else was in the theater really, it was just us in the back of the theatre, and we started to make out and stuff... and it was my first time being fiddled with, I will say it like that."
"And as I was achieving a, um, momentous moment, that I had never experienced in my life, I opened my eyes, and the eyes of Nicolas Cage are looking into my eyes — super big. And that was my first 'Big O'."
"So now I'm standing across from this man, with those same big ol' eyeballs... and they're looking at me in real life in real time. And all I can think about is the guy I went to the movies with, and how we were making out, and then that feeling, and then how weird I feel remembering this in front of him, and there he is looking at me..." she explained, describing quite vividly how her brain was melting down into the inevitable question of: "should we be doing it right now?"
"It was just like 'Ugh I have to tell him this story so it can go away.'"
So she did.
"And he laughed super hard," she recalled, before telling her she wasn't the first actress to make/fall in love with him in cinema form... Patricia Arquette had a similar story too.
"He goes, 'You know, my first wife, she saw me in a movie and she said she was going to marry me, and we ended up getting married,'" she said, doing an impressive impersonation of the man himself.
But Haddish had to stop him in his tracks and make sure he knew she wasn't going to become wife number six.
"I said, 'Yeah well, I didn't say that I was going to marry you, nor let you put your fingers anywhere on me, okay?'" she recounted. "I'm just letting you know that there's a thought that's been running through my mind, and it’s keeping me from doing my job."
"But now that I've told you, I think this is going to be just fine." And boom — it was.
Further on in the interview, she recounted the time she joked with Brad Pitt about them having a possible hook-up... before admitting she might now be leaning more towards his ex, Angelina Jolie.
"I think she's hot," she admitted. "I'm not even into women, but I am two heartbreaks away from like 'bring on the ladies'."
"If she was like 'Tiffany — I think we can make this work', I'd be like, 'Girl you got too many kids, but you know what? Let's just see what happens. 'Cause you beautiful.'"
"That ain't really my thing though," she concluded the thought. "I think I'm a gay man in a Black woman's body."
In "The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent" Nicolas Cage plays, in true Nicolas Cage fashion, Nicolas Cage. The cash-strapped actor reluctantly agrees to make an appearance at a Mexican billionaire super-fan's birthday party, who also happens to be a drug kingpin (played by Pedro Pascal) who has kidnapped a presidential candidate's daughter; thus Cage is recruited by the CIA to be a spy.