"I just want her to love me again ... I want my daughter back."
It was another extremely emotional week on "Teen Mom OG" for Amber Portwood, who is struggling with how her relationship with daughter Leah is falling apart before her very eyes.
Portwood has long accused ex Gary Shirley and his wife Kristina of putting a wedge between her and the 12 year old and, earlier this season, revealed the mother-daughter duo were "struggling" to reform a close bond. Tuesday's new hour picked up after Leah failed to celebrate Easter with Amber and her son James -- as Amber wished she had a "set schedule" when it came to visitation with her daughter.
"It's been a while since I've seen her. She hasn't even answered any of my text messages," Portwood explained to her producer. "She's not going to answer my phone calls. But she has a Bonus Mom, so ... ridiculous way to speak, I'm sorry."
In a confessional, she said it "truly breaks my heart" that the two were "drifting apart." Portwood added that she's been seeing a psychiatrist for the past six years and expressed hope that Leah could join her in therapy.
"We talked about therapy and stuff with Leah, but Gary wasn't for it at all," she explained. "Therapy is a good thing to get you and your mother back together. Having that mediator can help get her to open up and understand a bit."
"I think she'll be happier in life when it comes to understand a bit more of what the past was, where things happen today and how I am today and that it's okay to have a mom that's been through these things and you shouldn't be ashamed of that," she continued to vent to her producer. "Therapy is something that needs to happen, but there's nothing I can do about it because he does have the primary custody of her. I want my daughter back."
Speaking with Kristina, Gary said he had asked Leah if she was "open" to therapy, but she didn't seem initially interested. He didn't want to push it on her either.
"I'm not gonna sit here and make Leah go somewhere because it'll help Amber," he explained to his wife. "How can I encourage Leah to do something she doesn't wanna do, if her mom's not doing what she needs to do?"
"Leah's 12. She's not gonna get back the years she missed. If there's gonna be any kind of reuniting, it's gonna have to be like, 'Hey, Amber's really dug deep and really done what she needed to do to be the mother she needs to be,'" Gary continued.
He also wanted Amber to apologize for putting "other people first" for years. "I want to protect Leah, I want to make sure she's not gonna get hurt," he added.
While Gary had no problem laying that all out for Kristina, he apparently didn't get back to Amber with his decision. "Gary's radio silence tells me he's not going to insist that Leah go with me," she said in a confessional.
The episode ended with Portwood talking to her therapist over FaceTime, expressing her extreme frustrations with the situation.
"I'm trying to figure out a way to fit Leah into a situation she just doesn't want to be in. I think she just thought that I abandoned her and I want for her to heal from this and move on," she said. "I can't take away my past."
Likely referring to her time in rehab and five-year prison sentence, Portwood added, "I wouldn't be alive if I didn't make certain decisions and Leah hates me for it and I can't tell her that."
"I just want her to love me again, I want her to understand that everything I did was to be alive for her. It wasn't for anything else," she said, in tears. "I'm just gonna keep trying, just gonna keep reaching and praying."