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"There's a real anxiety and sadness about going on the show because… it's like having to really accept that life is officially moved on."
Bobbie Thomas is "finding a purpose for her pain."
On Thursday March 3, the style editor will return to the "TODAY" show ending her hiatus lasting a little over a year.
It will be the first time the 47-year-old will step foot into the New York studio in two years due to the COVID-19 pandemic. It will also be 16 months since Thomas has appeared on the daytime show as a regular.
In an interview with People Magazine, Bobbie spoke of how her return will mark a new bittersweet phase in her life since her husband Michael Marion's death in December 2020.
"To be honest, there's a real anxiety and sadness about going on the show because, in a lot of ways, it's like having to really accept that life is officially moved on," Thomas admitted. "He's not coming back and in a weird way, when somebody takes that time to step back, I could be in that bubble and protect it."
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"And getting back on the show, I haven't done that since he was here. So now it's like, 'No, he's still not here and I'm moving forward.' So, it's really scary," she continued.
Bobbie was left to raise their now 6-year-old son Miles after her husband's death. Marion died after a bacterial infection led to organ failure, just the year before he had suffered a stroke which affected his mobility and left him struggling to walk.
Thomas spoke of the difficulties of not only learning to adjust to her new normal but also experiencing intense grief amid the pandemic where people were isolating.
"God, it takes me right back," she says. "My family was in Los Angeles," she spoke of the gratitude she felt for her in-laws who were more than willing to offer support. "I lost Michael and it hurts and I would never ever want this, but I gained 10 people [who] jumped into his spot and I know not everybody has that."
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Despite her trepidation about returning to "TODAY", Bobbie is taking her feelings of loss and isolation and transforming her emotions into motivation as she plans to return with a renewed sense of vision.
Thomas wrote in an open essay to Today.com, "I do feel blessed for understanding this new sort of layer in my life, this new experience."
"I just really want to boomerang back with my whole heart. I feel like I've always been looking to extend myself as a girlfriend. I've called it a 'professional girlfriend' – whether it was talking about the power of lipstick or helping to navigate something else in the lifestyle arena," she explained.
"For me, what pushes me is knowing that I'm not alone. And I think the outpouring of love that I was really lucky to have and grateful for because of this platform has just pushed me to find purpose for my pain," Thomas concluded.
