In an interview with Billboard, the 33-year-old "Good Days" singer got candid about her regrets with choosing to perform with DJ Khaled for his "Saturday Night Live" performance in 2019 while her maternal grandmother, Norma, was dying.
"I wish I went to spend time with her. She was catching a medical jet from St. Louis to New Jersey because she spent the rest of her days at my parents' house; she passed at my mom's house [in June]," she recalled.
"That last week when she was really ill, I went to go perform with DJ Khaled, who I love, at SNL… And in hindsight, that was so dumb," the Grammy Award winner confessed. "I just wish I spent those last moments with her at home. That was a hard lesson. Like, 'Great, I perform for a minute and 30 seconds on SNL and I lost my grandma for the rest of my life.'"
Norma's voice was heavily featured in her 2017 debut album, "Ctrl," and following her death SZA paid tribute to her grandmother by surprise releasing her first solo single two years since the album's release on her birthday -- Christmas day 2020.
The "Hit Different" artist also reflected on her relationship with her paternal grandmother who is currently suffering from Alzheimers. While she has a desire to create music and feels she has a duty to her fans, SZA admitted she still worries that her career will take too much of her time.
"I have an album to turn in at the end of the month, but will that actually matter by the time I get back to New Jersey and my grandma doesn't remember me? I don't know," she explained. "And whose fault would that be? Mine. It's not y'all fault for having me here — it's my choice. And those are the things I'm grappling with."
SZA is due to release her long awaited sophomore album "S.O.S" in December -- five years after the release of "Ctrl."
Though the singer has been working hard to deliver her next album after years of label pushback and delays, she struggles to see long term sustainability when it comes to producing music.
"I feel like music, in this capacity, I don't see longevity," she confessed. "I like to create, I like to write, I like to sing, and I like to share. But I don’t know if chasing after superstardom or whatever I'm supposed to be doing right now is sustainable for me or for anybody. I'mma take a good swing at it, and I'mma give 'em my absolute best."