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"I felt so backed into a corner I thought the only way out was to end my life" the "BOYS--T" singer writes in her memoir.
Warning: This story contains mentions of suicidal ideation.
Madison Beer is getting real about a dark period in her life.
In an excerpt from her upcoming memoir "The Half of It," the 24-year-old "Reckless" singer detailed the devastating struggles she went through at only 16 that led her to contemplate suicide.
At the time, Beer was dropped by her manager and record label while discovering nude photos of herself had leaked online. Calling the pressure of each momentous situation "life-altering," the musician recounted feelings of hopelessness.
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"I felt like I was my own worst enemy. I retreated more and more into myself, and it was the beginning of some of the darkest years of my life, starting at age sixteen and following me into my twenties," she admitted in an excerpt shared with PEOPLE. "There were many times—just like the night my nudes were leaked—that I felt so backed into a corner I thought the only way out was to end my life."
Beer detailed how "on a particularly heavy day," she stood over the edge of the balcony with "a million thoughts running through my head" as she stayed fixed on the ground below her as her eyes went "in and out of focus."
Though the "Selfish" singer considered suicide for a moment, she explained, "I don't think I would have jumped. It was more about knowing that I could—that I had a way out if it became too much. Still, I lingered there for a long while, chilled by the fact that I wasn't all that scared of being up so high."
Eventually her little brother found her standing on the ledge and screamed for their parents. Beer climbed back over and remembered feeling confused as to why her family members "were making such a big deal out of it."
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"The thought of killing myself was so normal to me at that point that I had forgotten it wasn't something everyone pondered on a daily basis," she wrote.
Back in February, Beer shared her inspiration behind her memoir and explained why she chose now to tell her story in an interview with People.
"I really wanted to write this book now because I thought sharing some of the ups and downs in my life might be able to help other people navigate and relate," she said at the time.
Madison continued, "I hope by sharing my honest journey that perhaps someone that wanted to hide behind a keyboard to be mean or poke fun at someone else's expense thinks twice before they hit 'send.' I hope that we can find the strength to support each other and that we can work to treat others in the way we would want to be treated."
"The Half of It" will be released on April 25.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or has had thoughts of harming themselves or taking their own life, get help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) provides 24/7, free, confidential support for people in distress.
