Why Justin Baldoni Had 'Near Breakdown' While Filming It Ends With Us

During a recent appearance on the How to Fail podcast, Baldoni, who both starred in and directed the film adaptation of Colleen Hoover's bestselling novel, called the experience "strange" adding that he often had to remove himself during the filming process.

"It's a very strange place to be, let alone directing while trying to play a character who does the things that Ryle does in the movie so there were moments in the filming of this where I would just have to leave," he told podcast host, Elizabeth Day. "I'd have to remove myself and go shake it out."

While Baldoni took on the role of Ryle, the film's antagonist, Blake Lively played main character Lily Bloom, Ryle's wife. It Ends With Us features a central theme of domestic violence, and Baldoni confessed that he had moments on set where being in character was emotionally overwhelming.

"I've done a lot of somatic therapy so there were times when I was actually just shaking. There's a moment in the movie where Ryle finds Lily's phone and he finds a phone number and he's very jealous and he's heartbroken," he recalled. "And he's angry and he doesn't harm her but you can see in his eyes how dangerous he is. After that scene, I had a near breakdown."

Baldoni said that he had to "leave" the set to "shake" off some of the pain he felt in those moments.

"What's hard about a character like that isn't necessarily what he does," the actor said. "What he does is a result of what he has kept in and so what's hard about having that in your body is having the trauma live in your body of what he's experienced or creating that trauma in your body and creating that insecurity and the pain and the feeling that you shouldn't actually be alive."

While Baldoni was able to eventually move on from playing Ryle, getting out of that mindset was difficult.

"That was very hard and that took a few months," he said. "I had dreams as [Ryle] for a while, and it lived in my body but I think for the most part, he's out."

Baldoni also commented the extra responsibilities he had on set as director, which he claimed was a "very lonely job."

"Because you are kind of at the top of this totem pole," he said. "In your moments of quiet, everybody has a thousand questions for you and also nobody wants to disturb you and you don't really have many people to talk to and you can't necessarily share your anxiety or your nervousness about something because you're also the leader."

While he didn't touch on it during the interview, the release of the film itself was mired in controversy, with rumors swirling ahead of the It Ends With Us' premiere that there was tension between Baldoni and Lively, after the pair promoted the movie separately.

There was also controversy around how they each promoted the film. While Baldoni called attention some of the dark themes present in the movie, i.e. domestic violence, Lively, who also served as an executive producer on the film, opted to to point out its lighter elements. The strategy ultimately got her flack online, with some criticizing her during the film's press tour for not acknowledging It Ends With Us' more serious side.

Baldoni, who touted the importance of domestic violence awareness throughout the press tour and shared resources for those seeking help, did tell Day that he pushed for a trigger warning to be included in the film, but said the idea was shut down.

"I just didn't want to re-traumatize the majority of my audience which is why I was advocating for a trigger warning at the front and things like that," Baldoni explained. "But those are certain battles you can't always win."