Kody Brown Feels There's 'So Much Left Unsaid, So Much Left Undone' After Son Garrison's Suicide

Garrison, the son of Kody Brown, and ex-wife Janelle, was found dead at his Flagstaff, Arizona home by brother Gabriel on March 5, 2024. His death came at a time when he, some of his siblings and his father, Kody, were still in a period of estrangement, following a shifting family dynamic over COVID protocols.

As Janelle spoke about plans to bury his ashes in Wyoming -- where her mother, who was married to Kody's father, is buried -- she said the memorial for him there would coincide with a reunion of sorts. She added that she also purchased a plot next to Garrison's.

"The weekend that we are choosing to go to Wyoming is a big time in Wyoming, where like all the hometown people come back. So it's kind of already like a big reunion for the small town that Cody grew up in," she explained, before adding that Garrison's death "has brought about a lot some healing of relationships, which has been good."

Meri Brown added that, following his death, she was able to see "all the kids" together -- something that hadn't happened in ages. "Everybody was together, except for one," she said through tears, "And it took him passing to get everybody together."

"That just is heartbreaking," she added, "but, also, that's so like Garrison."

For Kody, he said that grief "hits you in waves" -- and, when it hits him, he "can't run from it" and he "cannot prevent it from affecting me." He also shared that, "out of the blue," he'll be overcome with what feels like an "anxiety attack" -- explaining it as "just a deep, overwhelming feeling that I'll never see him again. There's so much left unsaid. So much left undone."

As Kody, his kids with remaining wife Robyn Brown, and Robyn herself went to Wyoming together before Garrison's graveside memorial, he showed the kids where he grew up -- putting a more uplifting spin on the serious trip. Despite his cheery demeanor, Robyn expressed concern for her husband in confessionals.

"I am worried about Kody during the graveside and how he'll handle it, and I'm also really worried about afterwards," she explained. "I've seen him grieving. I've held space for him while he's grieving. We've grieved together. It doesn't really ever go away. Sometimes a death can really change a person. I just hope he can find those healthy ways to grieve."

"I feel like the graveside service will be very sad," she said, getting choked up. "It's bitter than we're laying him to rest, but it's also because we love him. That day is about him."

Of the trip to Wyoming, Kody said it's been a mix of mourning and "doing happy things," so they're able to "have faith in the hereafter and in our own futures and our own lives." Getting teared up, Kody added that a poster of his son will always be on the wall in his garage -- one that will leave him always wondering "wonder what was missed in the future that would have been."

"It's a game of consciousness to move with grief, to make your blood sweet instead of bitter from the pain," he added.

Elsewhere in the hour, Christine Brown opened up about her own distance from Garrison before his death, said there "were so many times he was alive where I wouldn't talk to him for a couple of weeks." Looking back, she said, "Sometimes a month would go by and I wouldn't touch base. That's a tragedy. I don't want that to happen with the other kids too."

As she said she was "scared to forget him," she pushed back at anyone suggesting he's "in a better place now" -- telling her husband, David, "No, he's not. The better place is with us. I just miss him so fierce."

"I'm never going to be a grandma to his kids," she told David. "I'm not going to see him get married. He won't be there for [her son] Paedon's wedding. Paedon and I were talking about that, and he's like, he was supposed to be my best man."

Her husband insisted they'd get through this together.

Sister Wives airs Sundays on TLC.

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or has had thoughts of harming themselves or taking their own life, get help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) provides 24/7, free, confidential support for people in distress.